𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝟖 (𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐂)

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟖 | 𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐬

FEBUARY 12TH, 2004
JAMES GIBSON

"Okay, You're going to go over there, give her your best smile and ask her to be your valentine whilst not looking like a complete spanner!" Gibsie grinned, patting me on the shoulder encouragingly, stationed at his locker.

"Jesus, Gibs, very encouraging, really." Johnny Kavanagh, also known as a rugby prodigy, better known as my brothers bestest friend: sighed and pinched his nose.

"Gibs—"

"Do you want me to go find Claire for ya? Because I'll do it if it makes you feel more confident—CLAIRE!" He began, cutting me off completely as he shouted some more. Jesus. "CLAIRE—CLAIRE-BEAR WHERE ARE YOU?" He hollered down the halls.

"Christ, Gibsie!"

I sighed, slumping backward into the lockers as he continued to yell for his girl. This whole outbreak was caused by me mentioning this girl in my year at breakfast a few days back, apparently I liked her.

Truth be told, I didn't like anyone. Not in that sort of manner anyway. The entire thought of it made my insides twist and curl in the worst possible way.

I couldn't like anyone.

I didn't want to spend my valentines with her. Fuck, I didn't want to spend it with anyone. And worst of it all, I was itching for something to ease the chaos in my mind. I hadn't seen Oscar this morning and I was far too sober to do this.

In reality, this entire thing scared me to my core. Valentines dates always lead to something else, something more, something I was fucking terrified of and I wasn't sure I was ready to do something like that.

Hell, it pricked every hair on my body upward and made my stomach nauseate.

I was gonna vomit.

God, Please don't let me fucking vomit.

One part of me wanted to run away from all possibilities of physical contact. The  other wanted to just get it over with so I wouldn't be afraid of it anymore.

My mind was raging with tormenting thoughts, thoughts I couldn't shake off sober. And I was one big clump of nerves and anxiety.

"Fucking hell, He does not need Claire and she obviously isn't coming." Johnny finally snapped at my yelling brother.

Gibsie planted his hands on his hips, sighing in defeat. "Well, fuck."

"On second thought, I think I do need Claire—" I blurted, scratching at the crawling skin on my arms. I'm gonna fucking vomit.

Gibsie's eyes widened with something that looked like victory. He fisted the air. "Fuck, I knew it—" He laughed. "CLAIRE-BEAR, WE NEED YOU, IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" He went stalking down the hallway, screaming his bloody lungs off.

"Ah, bleeding idiot." Johnny muttered, running a hair through his mussed brown hair. He turned to face me and I struggled to keep my composure. This boy was huge for his age, and it was scary intimidating.

"Listen, whatever that fucking eejit has fed into that little brain of yours, ignore it. " He sighed.

"Just go and be polite to the girl, give her the flowers, smile at her, and mind your manners." He shoved the bouquet of a variety of flowers into my hands, spun me around and gave me a good old push into the direction of the girl.

I almost fell.

Thanks Johnny, thanks a lot for that.

Instead of turning on my heel and bolting in the other direction with plans of hiding in a closet of some sort until my support buddy could get me a hit of something: I forced my feet in the direction of the girl with my heart beating in my ears and sweaty palms.

Don't you fucking vomit on her you piece of gobshite.

I focused my entire line of vision on the girl, hoping to distract myself from the rising bile in my throat: She had long blonde hair pulled up into a high ponytail, blue eyes and a lean tall build.

The entire reason I had mentioned her was because I genuinely thought she was sweet.

I admired how sweet and kind she was. If anything I envied her sweetness and held it in the back of my mind because of how effortless and flawless it was for her. To be happy, I mean.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, forced a smile onto my face. "Lena." I called out, Blue eyes that looked like they would paralyze you if you stared at them for to long drifted to mine.

"Oh, Hi James." She said softly, eyes dropping to the flowers in my hand, I noticed the faint tint of pink on her cheeks and I smiled wider.

My heart was thrumming in my ears, but I ignored it. "How's your day been so far?"

She fiddled with her dress, smiling sweetly at me now with blush coating her cheeks. "it was alright, but much better now you're talking to me." She shrugged.

And then it hit me, a wave of guilt along with a thrilling rush. She clearly liked me, far more than I was capable of liking her. And for some reason it gave me a high like feeling almost, like I was ontop of the world and just a normal boy liking a girl.

Only I wasn't a normal boy, and I didn't like this girl.

And whilst the guilt was eating at my insides, I couldn't stop myself from wanting to feel this type of rush for longer.

So I smiled wider at her. "Glad I could make it better. You're looking ravishing this afternoon." A teasing lint forced itself onto my tone.

She giggled at that, covering her mouth and I only felt better with myself.

...
"So, You got that pretty blonde with the nice legs from our class, huh?" Oscar teased, elbowing me in the side. I grumbled, waiting for him to pass the fucking blunt—thing. "Yes, I did. Now stop hogging it all, you stupid bollox."

I snatched it from his hand eventually. Feeding into the hungry monsters poking and prodding at my insides.

And as soon as the toxic smoke reached my lungs and finally kicked in, my mind had eased by ten thousand and I was already in a better mood.

"Jealous? That I have a valentine and you don't?" I snickered, leaning against the walls at the back of school. "I can't help the fact I look radiant and you look like shit."

Or as Johnny would say.. Shite.

Oscar snatches the blunt back, looking at me with a sappy sour expression that makes my airy head explode into a fit of laughter. He grins then. "It's cause your blonde and have dimples, the girls eat that shit up."

I reached out to pat my buddy on the shoulder, I missed like three times—but my hand landed somewhere on his body and I didn't shudder in disgust so.. "Hey, don't say that. I'm sure some girl will eat you up—someday."

"Thanks, very nice of you to say." He mutters, shaking my hand off his shoulder, I almost fall because my hand felt so heavy, but I didn't "You're welcome, bud." I grinned happily, taking another hit.

My head was in the skies, soaring through the fluffy clouds and my body felt lighter and airy. But most importantly, my head was clear. Clear of any torturous thoughts, of haunting memories. I felt like complete and utter air, and I loved it.

I was so empty, I couldn't feel anything.

And I didn't care. I felt happy.
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This is bad honestly, but I needed to feed you guys so here.
Thanks for 2000 reads.

TIKTOK is "ADORASBL1SS"

and if anyone wants to make me a new cover for this book I'd really appreciate it<3