𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝟖 (𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐂)

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟑 | 𝐀 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫

JUNE 4, 2004
ORLA LYNCH

"I thought something happened to you, Orla. " Joey said, his tone was low and his face reeked of Anger and devastation.

I cross my arms over my chest. My head was pounding and my stomach twisted and turned, threatening me to belch. "Well nothing happened." I bit out, a defensive tone taking to my voice. I didn't mean for it too, it was a habit by now.

"Get out." I demanded, eyes flickering to the exit of the bedroom I didn't even want to be in. And then, I felt a knife of guilt stab me in my side, And a feeling of shock and confusion washed over me.

This wasn't me.

I didn't talk to my older brother like this.

I didn't act like this. Orla Lynch was never like this. So why is she like this now? Why can't I just move on?

I looked up to my older brother. I loved him. I wanted to be like Joey, not like this.

He mimicked me: folding his arms over his chest and shaking his head stubbornly. "No, I won't. Not until you tell me what the fuck has been happening with you."

"Get out, Joey." I snapped, clenching my fist until I could feel my nails digging into the meaty flesh of my hand. "Get out, get out, get out!" I screamed then. Tears brimming in the corners of my eyes as I felt a hot flash of anger and frustration wash over me.

Why won't he listen?

Why won't anyone listen?

"No!" He shouted back at me. "Let me fix this— Let me fix you!"

I drew back, startled. I didn't realize something was broken in me.

"Please, just let me sort this — Just tell me what happened. What happened that you act like this now." His voice cracked with a type of desperation it stabbed me in the other side with devastation now to add to the guilt.

Look at how this is hurting him.

You haven't even said anything and it's already hurting people.

Imagine the pain it will cause to everyone else.

What about the pain it's causing me?

What about me?

My lip wobbled and hot tears stained my cheeks now. "Nothing is wrong.. I- I- d-don't need f-fucking.. fixing Joey!" I raised my voice, hugging myself tighter now.

"Why's everybody screaming?" I heard a voice shout, It was muffled and awfully familiar. It was tormenting to my brain, haunting to my body. And I looked towards the door with fear crawling at me skin.

Joey notices immediately, his shoulders tense up and he looks at me wearily. "Is it him? Did.. did he do something Orla?" He steps towards me and out of fear I step back. Not because I'm afraid of my Joey but because I'm afraid of that voice and this place.

"No, Joe." I choked out, shaking my head in utter fear.

"Don't lie to me." He demanded, running a hair through his stressed hair.

"I'm not lying!" I snapped, lying through my tears.

Why can't you just tell someone Orla?

__________

TW: SELF HARM/MENTION

Fresh blood trickled down my thigh, searing out of the fresh cut I'd given myself no less than five minutes ago.