Tangled Affections

16.

Freen's PoV

The day was winding down, and I was at my locker, gathering my things, when Heng approached me. There was something different about his expression—an intensity that made my stomach churn with unease. I could tell something was on his mind, something that couldn't wait.

"Freen, I need to talk to you," he said, his voice low and serious.

I turned to face him, trying to maintain my usual composure, but the tension in the air was palpable. "What is it?" I asked, forcing my voice to stay steady.

"It's about Becky," Heng began, and my heart instantly sank. Just hearing her name from his lips made something tighten in my chest—a feeling I was becoming all too familiar with, but still refused to acknowledge.

"What about her?" I asked, my tone sharper than I intended.

Heng hesitated for a moment, his gaze dropping to the floor before he finally met my eyes again. "I... I think I've fallen for her, Freen."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut, knocking the air out of my lungs. My mind started racing, a thousand thoughts swirling in my head, none of them making any sense. Jealousy, anger, and fear surged through me, mingling into a toxic cocktail of emotions that I had no idea how to handle.

"What did you just say?" I asked, my voice trembling despite my best efforts to keep it calm.

"I've fallen for Becky," he repeated, his voice softer now, almost apologetic. "I know this might seem sudden, but I can't help how I feel."

A cold wave of panic washed over me, and I clenched my fists, trying to keep my emotions in check. The thought of Heng, of anyone, being close to Becky made me feel sick. I had been wrestling with my own feelings for her, trying to suppress them, but now this... this was too much.

"You need to end it," I blurted out, the words escaping before I could stop them.

Heng's eyes widened in surprise. "What? Freen, we're not even together. Becky doesn't feel the same way about me."

"That doesn't matter!" I snapped, my voice rising in pitch. "You can't be with her. Just... just leave her alone, Heng."

He looked at me, utterly confused. "Why, Freen? What's going on with you? Why do you care so much?"

"I just do, okay?" My voice cracked as I struggled to find the right words. "She's... she's been through enough. She doesn't need someone like you complicating her life."

"Someone like me?" Heng repeated, hurt flashing in his eyes. "I care about her, Freen. I wouldn't hurt her. Why are you acting like this?"

"Because—" I cut myself off, the truth on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't say it. I couldn't admit what was really going on inside me. The feelings I had been burying, the emotions I had tried to deny—they were all threatening to spill out, but I wasn't ready to face them. I wasn't ready to admit that I had fallen for Becky, that she was the one person who had managed to break through the walls I had built around my heart.

Heng stared at me, waiting for an answer, but I couldn't give him one. My mind was in turmoil, torn between what I wanted and what I feared. I turned away from him, unable to meet his eyes any longer.

"Just... just forget it," I muttered, my voice hollow. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I could feel Heng's eyes on me, filled with concern and confusion, but I didn't dare look back. I grabbed my things and walked away, my heart pounding in my chest. Every step felt heavier than the last, and by the time I reached the door, my vision was blurry with unshed tears.

I found myself wandering through the empty hallways, my mind racing, unable to process everything that had just happened. The jealousy I felt when Heng mentioned Becky's name, the fear that she might actually care for him—it was all too much. I had been denying my feelings for Becky for so long, convincing myself that they were just a result of guilt, of wanting to make up for how I had treated her. But now... now I couldn't lie to myself anymore.

I stumbled into the girls' bathroom, my hands gripping the edge of the sink as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My face was pale, my eyes wide with shock and fear. How had I let this happen? How had I fallen so deeply, so uncontrollably, for someone I had tried so hard to push away?

I wanted to scream, to cry, to do anything to release the storm of emotions raging inside me, but I couldn't. All I could do was stand there, trembling, as the realization finally sank in.

I was in love with Becky.

And it terrified me.

Because now, I didn't just want to protect her. I wanted to be with her, to hold her close, to make sure she never had to feel alone again. But how could I? How could I tell her how I felt when I didn't even fully understand it myself? And what if she didn't feel the same? What if I lost her completely?

The thought of losing Becky was unbearable, and it sent a shiver of dread down my spine. I knew I couldn't stay in this limbo forever, pretending that my feelings didn't exist, but the idea of confessing them... it scared me more than anything.

As I stood there, alone in the silence, I realized that I was at a crossroads. I could keep pretending, keep pushing Becky away, or I could face the truth and risk everything. Either way, things would never be the same.

And that, more than anything, left me feeling utterly lost.

.........