Tangled Affections

17.

Freen's PoV

Every day was a test of my self-control, a delicate balance between letting my feelings for Becky show and keeping them buried deep inside. It wasn't easy, not when every moment with her made my heart race, made my thoughts spiral into places I wasn't ready to confront. But I had to keep it together, had to act like everything was normal, like she was just another person in my life. Even though she was becoming so much more.

In the days following Heng's confession, I found myself gravitating towards Becky more and more. We were still having our tutoring sessions, and each time, I found new reasons to stay a little longer, to ask her one more question, to hear her voice just a little more. I wanted to be close to her, but I couldn't let it show, not fully. Instead, I focused on the little things—the way her eyes lit up when she explained a difficult concept, the sound of her soft laugh when I made a joke, the way she would brush a strand of hair behind her ear when she was deep in thought. Every detail about her fascinated me, drew me in, and I was helpless to stop it.

Becky, on the other hand, seemed oblivious to my internal struggle. She was growing more comfortable around me, and I could see that she was starting to trust me. She smiled more often, and there was a lightness in her that I hadn't noticed before, like she was beginning to believe that we were truly becoming friends. And in a way, we were. But for me, it was more complicated than that.

At school, things had changed as well. Heng had noticed that Becky and I were spending more time together, and he didn't hesitate to ask about it. "You two are getting close, huh?" he said one afternoon, his tone casual but curious.

I shrugged, trying to keep my voice steady. "She's helping me with my studies. We've... become friends, I guess."

"Friends," Heng repeated, a small smile playing on his lips. "I'm glad. Becky's a good person. You could use someone like her in your life."

His words struck a chord with me, and I couldn't help but wonder if he knew more than he was letting on. But I didn't push it. Instead, I just nodded and changed the subject, trying to keep my emotions in check.

But it wasn't just Heng who noticed. Other people at school had started to talk as well. It wasn't long before the whispers reached me—people speculating about my sudden friendship with Becky, wondering what had changed. I heard it all, but I didn't care. Let them talk. They didn't know what was really going on, the war that was raging inside me every time I was near her.

And then there were the moments when it was just the two of us, those quiet times in the library or in the classroom after everyone else had left. Becky would be going over a math problem or explaining something in a way that only she could, and I would just sit there, watching her, feeling the overwhelming urge to reach out and touch her, to tell her everything I was feeling. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. So I just listened, pretending that this was enough.

One evening, after a particularly long tutoring session, Becky and I were packing up our things. She looked at me, her eyes soft, and said, "I'm really glad we've gotten to know each other, Freen. I used to think... well, I wasn't sure if we'd ever be friends."

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, I couldn't speak. Friends. That was what she saw us as. And it was my fault, because that was what I had made her believe. I forced a smile, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Yeah, me too."

We left the classroom together, and as we walked through the empty halls, the urge to tell her the truth grew stronger with each step. I wanted to say something, anything that would make her understand what was really going on inside me. But the words stuck in my throat, caught in the web of fear and confusion that had been growing inside me for weeks.

We reached the exit, and as we stepped outside, the cool evening air hit my face, snapping me back to reality. This was it. This was the moment. I could feel it—the pull, the need to tell her everything. I turned to her, my heart pounding in my chest. "Becky, I..."

She looked at me, waiting, her expression open and trusting. I could feel my heart racing, the words right there on the tip of my tongue. I could tell her. I could finally let it all out, stop pretending, stop hiding. But then the fear crept back in, the fear of what it would mean, of how everything could change.

Becky tilted her head slightly, her brow furrowing in concern. "Freen, what is it?"

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. The words that had been so clear in my mind just moments ago were gone, swallowed by the panic that was tightening around my chest. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her.

"Nothing," I said finally, forcing a smile that felt more like a grimace. "It's nothing."

She didn't look convinced, but she didn't push. She just nodded and gave me a small smile. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, tomorrow," I managed to say, my voice barely above a whisper.

She waved as she walked away, and I stood there, watching her until she disappeared around the corner. The moment was gone, and with it, my chance to finally tell her the truth. I let out a shaky breath, feeling the weight of my emotions crashing down on me like a wave.

As I walked back to my car, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in love with Becky. There was no denying it anymore, no pretending that what I felt for her was anything less than that. But I was terrified—terrified of what it meant, of how it could change everything between us. And so, for now, I would keep it hidden, locked away deep inside where no one could see it. But I knew it wouldn't stay there forever.

Because the truth had a way of coming out, one way or another. And when it did, nothing would ever be the same again.

..........