Aiden Harper

Therapy can be helpful, and so can unexpected visits

Aiden

I met with Conner at our designated appointment time for our impromptu session.

Conner didn't hesitate to get down to business. "Have you had a chance to read the book I gave you?"

"Yeah. I've been reading one chapter a night."

"And?"

"Why is grief so complicated when you weren't in love with the person?"

"Expand." Conner sat back in his chair, held his pen between his fingers, and rested his notepad in his lap.

"I thought I was in love with Claire, but I wasn't. I liked the idea of having a girlfriend but was willing to walk away. You don't walk away if you're in love with someone. You fight for them."

"There are many reasons why people assume they're in love with someone. They misunderstand the concept, confusing it with physical attraction. Love isn't about the physical aspect. It's more profound."

"What about cheating? Can you love someone when you cheat on them?"

"That's an excellent question. But only the person involved can answer it."

"How so?"

"Cheating is a choice. Most people who cheat can give you a thousand reasons why they did, while others can't give you one. Only the person who committed the act can tell you why or not."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Because there isn't an answer to your question. I wish I could give you a more concrete answer, but I can't. I can tell you that cheating is selfish behavior. But so is betraying someone's trust."

"Claire didn't trust me. That's why she never told me about her disorder."

"Aiden, not everyone can trust someone with personal information about themselves. Most people don't disclose their mental illnesses because of the stigma attached to them. While most would say it's okay, it's difficult for the patient. People judge even when they say they don't. What would you have done if Claire told you the truth?"

"I don't know because I never heard the truth."

"Okay. Would you have supported her?"

"Yes."

"Would you have stayed with her for the duration, knowing it would interfere with your relationship and life? Could you live with the constant accusations?"

I pulled my brows together, knowing I couldn't. I can't constantly defend myself if I'm doing nothing wrong.

"From your expression, the answer is no."

"Does that make me a shitty person?"

"No, it makes you an honest one. Aiden, no one can fault you for being honest."

"A few months after Claire's funeral, I visited her folks."

"How did that go?"

"They didn't blame me for the accident. It made me feel worse."

"They absolved you of your guilt."

"Even when I told them about the fight, I tried to stop Claire."

"What did they say?"

"They reassured me it wasn't my fault but never told me why," I pursed my lips. "Because they knew the truth." I sat in my chair and ran my thumb across the leg of my jeans.

"People can't hold you accountable when you did nothing wrong. They can only absolve you of the guilt. Why did you feel guilty if you didn't do anything wrong?"