my public journal

im scared of change

8/22/24

wow i haven't wrote on here in a fat minute. i just need to get things off my chest.

i'm going to be a senior in 6 day and i'd be lying if i say that i wasn't scared. but the truth is i am.

each year is different and i'm scared for change. i barely have any classes with my friends. it's like i know a lot of people but i'm not really friends with them so i kinda really have nobody.

i don't even have any lunches with one of my friends and with my other we only share one lunch on even days. i hate this.

you remember that boy (tyler) that i used to talk about in this journal all the time cause he was my crush? well if i'm being honest with myself or to whoever is reading this, part of me still likes him. it might not be love or a full on crush but all summer i've thought about him.

i mean i've liked him before i even knew his name in the beginning of my junior year. i'm starting to believe that it's impossible to move on. idk why i can't just forget about him. he's in my dreams. sometimes i'll just be existing and i'll think about him.

this year is going to be easy, i have electives for most of my classes and have at least two core classes i actually have to take. but is it wrong if i wished that i had at least 1 class with him?

what if me and him did it right this time? what if we actually talked instead of stared at each other the whole year. that's all he ever did. that's all i ever did.

i'm scared i'm going to be stuck in this loop all over again this year with this boy. why do i look for him in my school just to hid from him? i'm going to have to watch him walk across the stage and that's going to be the last time i see him. i don't want it to be.

anyways, i'm going to update again after my first day of senior year (maybe if i remember) lmao.