Wei Ying is quiet when they wake up and during breakfast. There's no time to talk in between Shufu getting them ready to attend the archery contest and making sure they're on time.
Lan Zhan gets an opportunity to speak with Wei Ying only when they're heading towards the tournament grounds. They are walking behind Lan Qiren and Lan Huan, the former still giving tips to the latter about his archery form.
"Wei Ying, last night, when I said love in its purest form is unconditional, I meant that while yours was, no doubt, when given to both Wen Qing and Jiang YanLi, but both of them put up boundaries when it came to their turn. They were giving you conditional love instead. It was not a criticism of you, that you had to love them, no matter what, rather, I was saying they did not deserve to have such a pure, selfless love gifted to them when they could not return it in the same fashion, that is all." Lan Zhan is out of breath when he finishes.
He knew what he wanted to say, but having clear, concise thoughts is vastly different from actually being able to voice them in a coherent manner. Usually one to think deeply about his words, Lan Zhan isn't used to saying exactly what is on his mind 'on the fly', as it were, and he's uncomfortable that the meaning might get lost in the delivery. He wonders if the wrong interpretation was taken from his words last night, and if that is why Wei Ying has been too quiet this morning.
Wei Ying smiles at him. It's a little one, a far cry from his usual brightness, his inextinguishable joy upon waking up in Lan Zhan's arms in the mornings, but it is a smile nonetheless.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking, both awake and maybe while I was asleep? I don't know, but I feel different this morning."
"Different, how?"
"Similar to waking up from a dream, maybe even a bad one, and you know that relief you experience when you open your eyes and you're in bed, in a safe place, and you realise that what you had been seeing before, it wasn't real? Like that. I think it's really sunk in that I'm not affiliated in any way with the Jiang Sect. I don't owe them anything. They don't know me. That, by itself, is such a revelation. In that past life, when Jiang Fengmian tied us up with Zidian and pushed us away, the last thing he said to me specifically was, "look after A-Li and A-Cheng. Make sure they're safe", and Madam Yu too. She told me to save Jiang Cheng, even with my own life, if I had to give it. All my life, that's all they said in relation to my own worth, my contribution towards them was to be great and to be the best, only in order to serve Jiang Cheng and be his right-hand man in the future.
"Lan Zhan, no one ever asked me what I wanted. It's only now, with distance, in another life, I can see how fucked up that was. I'm still trying to process the freedom of it, the taste of it on my tongue. Of never having that weight on my head. I've carried that burden for so long, my shoulders were used to the shape of it.
"It's not only what you said last night that opened my eyes. I think it was a seed planted by A-Yuan, my beautiful little boy. Living in the Burial Mounds was tough, I'm not gonna lie, but we made it better for each other, and I realised that what I felt for him was the unconditional love that you were talking about. I must have been thinking about it subconsciously all this time, because I remember thinking there was nothing I wouldn't do for that kid. And then I realised that that's the essence of being a parent. That's what Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu should have done for me, but they only saw me for what I could give to them instead."
Lan Zhan tugs on his hand and brings him closer, unable to pull him into the hug they both need right now, but he has time to wipe away the tears of frustration rolling down Wei Ying's cheeks.
"As for Jiang YanLi, you're right there, as well. I know why she never stood up to Madam Yu, because she really is a frightening woman, but whenever I had disagreements with Jiang Cheng, she always made me back down, urging me to go along with whatever he wanted. It wasn't fair, and I'm only seeing that now."
