As they walk back to the room where Lan Huan is, Lan Qiren senses Xue Yang staring at him, and so he returns the gesture, raising a brow in question.
"I don't remember my parents. I can't imagine what I might have called them, or even if I spent any amount of time with them." He says it casually, as if it doesn't matter, as if the absence of his parents isn't a noteworthy occurrence.
"In our lives, there are at least two sets of parents. The ones who give birth to us, and the others who nurture us anyway. That can be in the form of teaching us something, academic or life skills, or simply making sure we have our basic needs fulfilled. My point is, names are not important." Lan Qiren wants to reassure him that nothing is wrong.
He will probably be chewed out for this decision, but it felt right when he made his choice, and it feels right now. He is going to stick by this child and give him a good foundation, something strong enough to build his future upon.
"I think I might have called him A-Die, or Die-er. But ... Can I call you Baba?"
Out of nowhere, there's an explosion of joy in Lan Qiren's chest, a happy weight of affection that flows out naturally towards this child. Such an unexpected feeling that it makes his knees weak, and Lan Qiren pulls Xue Yang into his arms and cradles his head. Yes...this feeling is right. He feels two skinny arms trying to fit around his girth and failing; Xue Yang clutches at his robes behind his back anyway, completing their two-person circle.
Just for a few moments, they hold each other. It feels momentous, like stars should be exploding high up in the skies, rainbows breaking up above them, flowers falling from the Heavens kind of important. There should be something marking this moment like a nail in a wall, something to call attention to it. It will forever be a 'before' and 'after' moment for him.
When they finally let go of each other, Xue Yang is biting his lip and looking at anywhere else, his gaze darting away like a hummingbird wanting to feed.
Lan Qiren blinks away the sting in his eyes. He takes Xue Yang by the hand and they walk on. It is remarkably telling that Xue Yang doesn't pull away.
It's only when he sees Lan Huan that he realises that he should have spoken to this young person before taking any steps that might affect him in a negative way. And WangJi, but that's a problem for later.
What is absolutely mind-blowing to him is that Lan Qiren finds his heart growing impossibly bigger, wider, hollowing out so it can hold more love. It spreads out from his chest, encompassing these two children who are and remain his very own, extending towards Lan Zhan and Wei Ying, and there's more, just waiting for the others who will no doubt be joining their family soon.
In an unusual move for himself and A-Huan, Lan Qiren takes his hand too, and smiles when Lan Huan glances uncertainly back at him. Lan Qiren squeezes it, not wishing to break the spell of whatever magic this is.
Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren are as welcoming as ever, and Lan Qiren nods his head towards Xue Yang at Cangse Sanren. Luckily, she understands that Lan Qiren wants a distraction so he can escape with Lan Huan, so she makes a huge fuss over the seven-year-old, teasing him loudly so he doesn't notice the other two slipping out.
"The boys are hungry so we're fetching lunch," Lan Qiren whispers to Wei Changze, who nods quickly and goes to sit on the bed next to his wife and an excited Xue Yang, who's telling them all about his time away.
Lan Qiren takes Lan Huan towards the kitchens, forming and discarding speeches that all sound terrible, even to himself, about how to explain about Xue Yang's adoption. They pass the courtyard where the Wall of Discipline is, and there's a bench facing it for those who want to meditate on its perfection. Lan Qiren takes his oldest nephew, in many ways, his first child, there and they sit down quietly.
