Lan Huan looks around the sparse room with little curiosity; he knows or had expected the place to have minimal requirements in place. There is a simple bedroll neatly rolled up in the corner, a pillow and a blanket, a chamberpot and a bamboo mat for sitting.
No pictures on the wall, no decoration of any kind, not even a vase to house wildflowers. He briefly wonders whether this room mirrors where his father has chosen to live out the remainder of his days, whether it meets his needs or not.
Here, alone with his thoughts, Lan Huan can admit that he feels angry towards his own father. To have such unfilial thoughts towards a family member would be frowned upon but that is exactly why he can think them here, where no one will ever know.
The reasons why both of his parents were estranged, why his father will live out the rest of his life in seclusion are cloudy, hidden behind frowns of those who know but do not wish to tell him, or pursed lips keeping the knowledge secret out of kindness. But Lan Huan is a kind person himself, empathetic to a fault, and he knows how much of a strain his father's choice is putting upon his uncle.
So his rage is justified because he has witnessed first hand how much harder his uncle has to work daily, not just dealing with his own life but managing all of his older brother's obligations too, like living two lives instead of one at the same time. No wonder his uncle always looks tired and ready to be done with the world. That is his father's fault, no one else's. Why should his father be allowed to sit in the equivalent of the naughty corner while everyone else must suffer as a result of his actions? How is that fair?
And surely, with the tragic and untimely death of his mother, the reason for the punishment of seclusion was also gone, right? So why had his father not left his home by now?
He puts this to one side, letting himself calm down.
He is the older brother to Lan Zhan, Lan WangJi. And if there's one thing he can definitely learn from his father, it's how not to be a shitty older sibling.
Thinking of Lan Zhan, the image of his Didi with A-Ying comes to mind as he settles cross-legged on the bamboo mat, and a smile raises his lips. The two of them are so cute together! He's overjoyed that his too serious, too thoughtful younger brother has found his soul mate, because anyone can tell that's what they are.
As for himself, he can't imagine having that kind of singularity, the one-minded devotion concentrated on another, cancelling out every and all other interactions. If he had to choose, then possibly Nie MingJue would be a prime candidate.
But he is not here to reflect on his life as seen from the outside. He's here to meditate and grow his golden core. Ever since he learned what happened to Wei Ying, how he simply defied logic and the worst possible success rate, giving up his own golden core to someone who, in Lan Huan's eyes was undeserving of it, he has got a whole new appreciation of his own golden core. He cannot fathom the kind of love needed, the type of debt the person involved thought he owed, and since he cannot imagine how bereft it would make him feel, he cannot imagine doing that for anyone, not even for Lan Zhan. Then that makes him feel ashamed.
How is it that one who was brought up alongside the main family but never actually adopted into the Jiang main family, felt closer to his shidi than Lan Huan feels towards his own blood brother?
It makes him feel inadequate.
He supposes that is the key. He's no stranger to meditating, and it becomes an easy thing to slip into that pure state, with only the intention to improve himself. His teachers have loosely thrown about the word 'prodigy' in relation to himself, so now is the time he must prove it.
*************
Xue Yang looks around his room and can't quite believe it.
He gets to have this; a whole room to himself. That's more than he's ever had in his little life before. Up until now, one meal a day was a luxury, a bed to sleep on, unthinkable, the stuff of dreams, and ever since he had met a little boy called Wei Ying, his life had changed forever. From barely existing and thinking that the world was out to get him, he's discovered a softer side to life, and he's well aware that he's one of the lucky ones.
