Unwritten Shadows of a Clouded Mind

Unraveled reveries

Morning light filters through the curtains, a soft, diffused glow casting shadows on the walls. I feel its warmth on my skin, but inside, I am cold. The kind of cold that seeps into your bones, that lingers no matter how brightly the sun shines. It's the kind of cold that settles in your heart when you've lost something precious. I stare at my phone, the screen still lit up with the message that changed everything. 

"I met someone." Your words burn, a brand seared into my mind, echoing in the quiet of my thoughts. 

How long have I dreaded this moment? How many nights have I spent in the dark, knowing it was coming, trying to brace myself for the inevitable? Now that it's here, I realize there was no way to prepare for this kind of pain.

We've never met, not in the flesh. Our connection was born in the void between us, through the screen's glow that felt like it was bringing us closer. Late-night conversations stretched into the early hours, creating a bond that felt unbreakable. 

You were a stranger, yet a soulmate. Someone who understood me in ways no one else ever had.

Our conversations were like poetry, each word carefully chosen, each sentence a verse in a story only we could understand. 

I fell in love with you through your words, through the spaces between them, through the laughter and silence that held more meaning than any spoken declaration.

You were the male version of me, a mirror reflecting back everything I could never say out loud.

It started innocently enough—a simple message, a hello that turned into something neither of us could have anticipated. 

We talked about everything: movies that interests us, songs that spoke to our souls, the stars that felt like they were watching over us. 

In you, I found a friend, a confidant, someone who made the world feel less lonely. 

Our connection was instant, electric, as if we had known each other in another life. 

I started to look forward to our conversations, the way your name lit up my phone, the way your words felt like a balm to my restless mind. It was easy to fall into the rhythm of our friendship, to get lost in the comfort of your presence. But somewhere along the way, my heart betrayed me.

It was enough, I told myself. It was enough just to be close to you, to know that you cared, to feel your presence even from afar.

And now, you've found someone else. Someone real, someone who isn't just a voice on the other end of a phone line. Someone who can be there in ways I never could. She's everything I'm not—close, tangible, part of your world. 

You talk about her with a light in your voice I've never heard before, and it kills me. It's what I wanted for you, isn't it? For you to find happiness, to find someone who makes you feel alive. But the reality is so much harder to accept. As I read your message again, I feel the sharp ache of loss, the suffocating weight of everything I never said.

I want to tell you how I feel. I want to let you know that every word you've spoken has been a lifeline, that you've become the center of my universe, that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. But what good would it do? You've made your choice, and it's not me. 

I am the friend, the one who will smile and say, "I'm happy for you," while my heart crumbles to dust. I try to find the right words, the ones that will show my support, my happiness for you, but they catch in my throat, tangled with the truth I can never say. So I sit there, staring at my phone, feeling like a part of me is being torn away, piece by piece.

How do I show my support when all I want to do is scream that it's not fair? How do I pretend that I'm okay when every beat of my heart is a painful reminder of what I can never have?

I close my eyes and try to breathe, but the air feels thick, suffocating. My heart is heavy, weighed down by all the unspoken words, all the feelings I've kept locked away. 

I wonder if you can hear the truth in my silence, if you can sense the depth of my pain behind the forced smile. But you don't know. You will never know.

I wish I could hate her, this woman who has taken your heart, but I can't. She didn't ask for this. She didn't ask to be the one you chose. She simply exists, and that's enough. 

She's there, and I'm here, separated by distance and fate. 

I am the shadow, the echo of a love that never was. 

How do you fight for someone's heart when you're miles apart, when your love is nothing but a collection of pixels on a screen?

I stand up, my legs shaky, and walk to the window. 

The sun is still shining, oblivious to my pain. 

I press my forehead against the cool glass and let the tears fall. 

I want to scream, to rage against the unfairness of it all, but the world keeps spinning, indifferent to my suffering. 

Every time I close my eyes, I see you with her, hear your laughter that used to be mine. It's too much. The weight of it is crushing, pressing down on me until I feel like I might shatter.

I hear your voice in my mind, the way you said my name like it was a secret only we shared. I wonder if you'll ever think of me, if you'll remember the connection we had, the way we fit together like two halves of a broken heart. Or will I fade into the background of your new life, a memory of what once was? 

I want to be strong, to show you that I can be happy for you, but the truth is, I'm drowning. I'm drowning in a love that was never real, sinking deeper into the darkness with every passing day.