Unwritten Shadows of a Clouded Mind

Unseen Longing

I fell in love with you in the spaces where silence lingers. In the moments when the world felt too loud, your voice was the only sound I wanted to hear. It was never loud, never boisterous—just a soft whisper that seeped into my thoughts, turning my day into a dream where you were the main character. I fell in love with you before I even knew what was happening, before I could stop myself, before I had a chance to brace for the inevitable heartbreak.

We've never met in person. Isn't that insane? That I could feel this way for someone who exists only through the glow of a screen, a voice in my ear, a series of texts that I read over and over again until the words blur. I can't hold you. I can't touch you. I can't look into your eyes and see my reflection there, but somehow, I know you better than I know myself. Or maybe it's that I see myself in you—my other half, my missing piece, the one who makes sense of the chaos inside me.

You're like a part of my mind that I didn't know I was missing, a voice that finishes my thoughts before they even form. Your words are like a melody that plays on repeat, a song that only I can hear. I've built you up in my mind to be perfect, and maybe that's why this is hurting so much—because you were never mine to lose, but I feel like I've lost everything.

I think about you constantly, obsessively, my thoughts looping back to you like a broken record. I wake up with your name on my lips, fall asleep with your voice echoing in my mind. My heart races when I see your name flash on my phone, a flicker of hope that maybe today will be different, that maybe you'll see me the way I see you. But those moments are fleeting, slipping through my fingers like sand, leaving me with nothing but the ache of wanting something I can never have.

And now, you've found her. Her, the one who's close enough to touch, who can reach out and hold your hand without a thousand miles separating you. She's there, present in a way that I can never be, and it's driving me mad. I can't compete with that. How could I? How do you fight against someone who's real, who's tangible, who can be everything I want to be for you?

I see the way you talk about her, the way your words light up with her name. You don't even notice how my heart cracks open every time you mention her, how my smile falters, how my hands shake as I type back my reply. I'm trying to be happy for you, trying to show my support like a good friend should. But every time I say her name, it feels like swallowing glass, each word cutting me from the inside out.

My mind is a storm, a hurricane of thoughts that I can't control. I want to scream, to cry, to tell you how I feel, but I can't. I can't ruin this for you. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to find love, even if it's not with me. But the thought of you with her, of you holding her, kissing her, laughing with her the way we used to laugh—it's too much. It's tearing me apart. I can't think straight. I can't breathe.

I find myself pacing my room at night, muttering your name like a mantra, trying to hold on to the pieces of you that I have left. I'm losing my mind. I know I am. Every time I close my eyes, I see you with her, smiling that smile that used to be mine. I hear your laughter, but it's not for me anymore. It's for her. I'm stuck in this endless loop, replaying every conversation we've had, every moment we shared, trying to figure out where I went wrong. Trying to find the exact moment I lost you.

Was it when I didn't tell you how I felt? When I kept my love hidden, tucked away in the darkest corners of my heart? Was it when I let fear hold me back, when I let the miles between us become a wall I couldn't climb? Or was it inevitable, destined to end this way from the start, with you finding someone else, leaving me behind with nothing but the echoes of a love that never even had the chance to be real?

I want to let go. I want to move on, to find peace in the knowledge that you're happy, that you've found someone who can give you everything I can't. But I'm stuck, caught in this web of my own making, tangled in the threads of my feelings, my hopes, my shattered dreams. I'm spiraling, and I don't know how to stop.

It's like you've taken a part of me with you, and I'm left here, hollow and empty, trying to fill the void with memories that only make the emptiness grow. I feel like a ghost, haunting the spaces where we used to be, whispering your name into the dark, hoping for a response that will never come. I'm losing myself, fading into the background, becoming nothing more than a shadow of the person I was when you were here.

I don't know how to be your friend without wanting more. I don't know how to listen to you talk about her without feeling like I'm being ripped apart from the inside. I don't know how to show my support when every part of me is screaming for you to come back, to choose me, to see me as more than just a friend. I don't know how to keep going when every day feels like a reminder of what I can never have.

I wish I could tell you how I feel, but I know it wouldn't change anything. I know you've made your choice, and it's not me. I know that even if I bared my soul to you, you'd still walk away, because love isn't enough if it's one-sided. And so I'll keep my silence, keep my pain hidden behind a smile, keep pretending that I'm okay, that I'm happy for you. Because that's what love is, isn't it? Wanting the best for someone, even if it means breaking your own heart.

But the truth is, I'm not okay. I'm not happy. I'm lost, adrift in a sea of my own making, drowning in the love that I can't let go of. I'm falling apart, piece by piece, and there's no one to put me back together. I'm losing my mind, and all I can do is watch as you slip further away, taking my sanity with you.

So I'll stay here, in the shadows, loving you from afar, losing myself a little more each day. I'll hold on to the memories we shared, even if they were never real, even if they were only ever mine. I'll cling to the hope that maybe, one day, you'll see me the way I see you. But until then, I'll be here, in the dark, loving you silently, invisibly, hopelessly, until there's nothing left of me to give.