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CHAPTER 10

Lada put the paper bag on the table and pulled out the content. When she woke up this morning, her usual breakfast wasn't set on the table. She wanted to knock Earn's door to ask her to get breakfast out but she thought that Earn probably was still fast asleep and tired to get out.

So she walked through the chilly wind to the nearest coffee shop to bought them food and coffee. Macchiato with extra caramel for Earn-that's how Earn liked her coffee. She chuckled at herself, remembering that one morning when the both of them was late and decided to take brunch at the same coffee shop. Earn had to back and forth several times to the counter asking for more caramel.

"I'm a sucker for caramel," she said that morning.

Lada set the things she bought on the plate. It wasn't a pretty presentation but at least it was neat. It was actually felt nice to prepare breakfast for Earn. It was her first time, but Lada wouldn't mind to do this again in the future.

"Okay, all set. Now lets practice our apology speech," she said to herself, 
"Earn, I'm sorry for last night. That was rude and unnecessary and I'm sorry. I won't do that again and I'll make it up to you. Look! Breakfast," She played act like Earn was there. 

"Okay, that is so lame." She scratched her head.

 
"Let's try again." She cleared her throat. 

"Wait, you know what. I'm not going to do it again." She still spoke to herself.

When she was about to drag Earn out of bed, she heard the sound of opening door. She smiled to herself, hoping Earn would like what she did to her.

"Hey! Look, I... Are you going somewhere?" Her wide smile changed into confused one at the time she saw Earn was fully clothed in Sunday morning.

"I don't deserve this" Earn started with already higher octave.

"What's with the yell? Of course you deserve this. I mean for everything that you have done to me,"

"Yeah, you right. After what I've done to you, I have done nothing but being nice to you. For God sake! Hell, P'Mor, I don't deserve your behavior towards me!"

"Earn, it's just breakfast,"

"What?"

"I brought us breakfast. I bought Macchiato with extra caramel for you. See? Your favorite? It is just breakfast, of course you deserve it." She said softly. 

"I'm not talking about breakfast! God damn it, P'Mor!" She yelled in high-pitched making Lada flinched.

"I'm done with you being bipolar, I don't deserve your behavior last night! I don't deserve to be your object to yell at or to get cold treatment by you anytime you pleased. All this time I've held it inside but it will not happen any longer. You say sorry then you do it again. I'm done with whatever this is," Earn panted- ran out of her breath. She could heard the beats of her neck pulse, she could felt the palpitation in her chest.

Lada stood there with mouth agape- speechless.

She wanted to say sorry. But she heard it herself, she said sorry then did it again. She realized that it was right, what Earn said was right.

She admitted that she rejected Earn so many times, she attempted to push her away and convinced herself she better off stay alone. But that didn't mean she didn't try. She tried, she tried really hard to be better-she thought she was getting better. Well, the fact was; she wasn't.

Old habit die hard, they said.

She'd been with herself for years; she never let anyone in into her life as deep as Earn did. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough. Her effort wasn't enough.