Home

CHAPTER 15

Lada sat quietly on the couch. Her headache was getting better and her body wasn't as weak as before. The clouds in her brain slowly faded away. She could think much clearer.

She turned the TV on with low voice. The night was still young but Earn was nowhere near sight. She might be at her room or somewhere.

Lada felt relieved somehow. She wasn't confident to face her for the first time since she was fully sober.

"Hey, you're awake?" The sudden greet startled her.

"I'm sorry! Was I too loud?"

"No, no. It's fine, you're fine." Earn said,

"I'm good now." Lada stuttered.

"Okay," Earn stood there - no less awkward from Lada. "Do you want something to eat?" she offered.

"No, I'm good," she nodded. "Thanks." 

"Can I sit here?" 

"Suit yourself," Lada replied without looking at her. 

"P'Mor, can we talk?" Earn asked cautiously. 

"About?" 

"You."

"What about me?" She switched one channel to another. Internally fret about whatever Earn wanted to talk about.

"Where were you?" She started with gentle tone.

Lada exhaled her breath slowly. "I was from the bar," she said. Every cell in her body commanded her to stop, to walk away from Earn right that second because it won't do her any good if she speak further.

"Is everything okay?" 

Lada remained silent. 

"You said you try to do happy things, you keep on saying sorry. I don't - I don't understand."

Lada tilted her head at the latter for a moment. 

"What else did I say?" 

"Incoherent words. You're having a bad dream."

Lada was beyond mentally exhausted. She didn't really remember much what happened, though she was kind of glad because of it.

She wanted Earn to stay, she wanted Earn to understand without telling the entire horrible story about her. But she can't.

"You're right, Earn. You don't deserve this. I don't deserve you." Lada stated wearily.

"I'll tell mom and dad and your parents, you don't have to put up with me any longer." 

"What do you mean?" Earn disliked the sound of it. 

"I'm not good for you," Lada sighed heavily. "Just forget it okay? We'll remain friends if you want." 

"I can decide for myself what's good and what's not for me." Earn's tone increased by words.

"I'm a mess, Earn! Don't you see it?!" Lada provoked. "My life is a mess, I screw everything up! Why are you putting so much effort for this to work? I'm not the person you'd want to spend your life with!" She shouted. 

Earn winced watching the frustrated Lada she never saw before. 

"I was diagnosed with PTSD way back then. You practically sit with a crazy person right now! Why don't you just go!?"

Seeing Earn's reaction, Lada held herself back. She tamed away and blew out some air to calm down. Her breath was raging and her head was about to explode. Her chest constricted so tight and it was painful.