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CHAPTER 37

She couldn't cry. She was hurt but had no energy left to cry. Her head was dizzy and the buzzing inside her ears didn't stop. It hurt. It really, truly, deeply hurt.

She thought Lada was different, what they had was real and she'd love her no matter what.

I was wrong huh?

Earn gathered herself together. She breathed the oxygen inside and out her lungs to calm down. "So be it," she encouraged herself. It wasn't the first time for her being thrown out because of her terrible past so she used to it. She had to get used to it.

With all the dignity she had left, she collected all her stuff. Earn was so lost in her mind, replying the moments she had with her P'Mor, all the bad and good memories. She didn't regret it, not even a second she could regret it.

She should've seen this coming. Lada reacted really bad when the incident with Wisanu happened before. It was a misunderstanding but she disappeared- not really disappeared since they met at hospital for couple minutes- for days but still, without communication whatsoever.

So what did she expect? Her past was horrible, she was a horrible person and now she had to accept it if Lada finally lost it.

Every beginning had an end. So did their relationship. She'd move on, someday, and when she looked back to this certain time, it'd be a precious lesson.

"Done packing?" Lada leaned at the door frame with her arms folding in front of her chest.

You really can't wait to kick me out?

"A bit more," Earn replied shortly.

Earn speed up the cleaning. It wasn't possible to pack everything in such short amount of time. She was about to ask Lada's permission to left half of her stuff here when she felt a soft peck on her right cheek.

Her eyes bulged wide as she gasped at the sudden intimate contact.

"I think that is enough for tonight," Lada spoke calmly.

Lada took Earn's hand in hers. Nothing had changed, the way she held her hand. It was the same firm yet gentle and protective grip.

Earn felt like she was being hypnotized. What was with all this chaos? She followed Lada's lead without questioning or complaining. Her brain was paralyzed, she couldn't process anything.

She blinked a couple times before realize that she was standing in the middle of Lada's bedroom.

Lada stroked Earn's unnoticeable scar tenderly. Her eyes were dim and tired.

"I have a creepy confession to make," Lada said with a low voice hoarsely.

"There are many nights that I couldn't sleep. I toss and turn around over and over again but I still can't sleep. So then I get out to stare at your door, your dark room by the ventilation for hours. I never peek inside your room, I swear. I also sometimes stick my ear to your door hoping to hear your steady breath. I'm not a creepy person, I can guarantee you that. I just miss you too much and you're just a door away from me, I can't help myself." the way she spoke, it was more like she is finally telling Earn the words she'd been keeping inside without too much thought.

Lada leaned in and attached her lips onto Earn's. The latter froze, she couldn't kiss her back.

"Kiss me please, my love," Lada pleaded, she kissed her again. "Don't leave me, I beg you. Kiss me," she whispered.

Earn felt her cheeks dampened. She cupped Lada's face and detached their joined lips.

"Earn..." Lada started to sob. "Please don't go. I love you, I can't- I won't survive without you. Please," she begged again.