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CHAPTER 12

She stared sternly at the gravestone.

"I dream about it again last night. That's why I come here. Is that your way to tell me you're missing me? You should've came with another scene. That one makes me lose my mind. Damn you, Tan." She said bitterly.

Big knot obstructed her throat as she tried to swallow them.

She missed him so bad and she was still struggling to let him go.

She didn't cry. She just leaned by the stone as she playing the white roses she brought for him.

"You promise me a lot of things, remember?" The wind swirled over her like it tried to conveyed her that he was listening. 

"I told you not to make any promises if you could never fulfill," she continued. 

"Who's going to take me to that Mount Everest?" She shook her head.

"You said you're going to take me to Africa and feed the Lions," she scoffed.

"You know why I brought you this very same white roses every time I visit? Because you said you wanted a white wedding with white roses," she retracted one by one of its thorn careless about the little bleeding on her fingertips, She sighed.

"You would look really good in your wedding, Tan. I'm sorry I used called you ugly, but really, you're pretty handsome," She chuckled. 

"Speaking about wedding," she cleared her throat "Mom and dad matched me with this girl. Her name is Earn. The term is not really good right now- we fight, because of me." She whispered the last part.

"I don't know what to do, Tan. What should I do?.. you probably as clueless as me. We both suck on love field, don't we?" She laughed by herself.

"She's beautiful, Tan. She's so beautiful, she's flawless," Lada nodded to herself.

"I'm sure you'll like her. You know what? I freak out the first time I realize it. It take years to build my wall, Tan and she breaks it within months. Can you believe it? I'm kind of afraid she'd leave me and find someone better. But at the same time I'm scared to take a chance with her. Why am I weird like that? I'm stupid and a jerk and arrogant and- and I'm a coward. What should I do to make things right?" She asked. 

"You don't know too, do you?" She mocked him.

"Whatever. I'll think of something. I should go back to hospital, Tan. Thank you for listening. l'Il take Earn here someday- if I'm able to. Bye."

*****

Fahlada opened the conference room slowly and adjusted her coat as she sat beside Bow. 

"Where's Emi?" She muttered lowly. The journal presentation was still on going and it wasn't respectful to chatter loudly. 

"Out. I don't know where," bow replied. "Where were you?"

"Visiting Tan," she said nonchalantly. 

"You okay?" 

"Why wouldn't I be?" 

"Lets talk later" Bow finished the conversation and the both of them concentrate to the event.

It was past lunch time when the presentation done. Lada wasn't hungry anymore. She ate too much snack prepared by the department. She checked her phone a bit hoping there was a message from the person she was longing for.

Of course there was none. 

"Bow, what are you doing?" She raised her brow at her. 

"This bread is really good. l'm saving it." She said like it wasn't a big deal.