Tempted

Chapter 20

Declan's POV

It was her fault. It was all her fault. She ruined everything. I was bleeding out but it was the invisible kind which hurt worse. No one was around so I was left to my own devices. The last few days, I'd just been cuddling Tiara and trying to find out who she would cheat on me with. Maybe an ex? A extra hot customer? I felt my heart keep skipping beats but it was the kind from when you were so upset you couldn't focus on anything else. My chest was heaving, up and down. Up and down. Up and down. I wasn't crying. I didn't have any tears left to spare for her. I had cried over her enough already but my brain didn't get the memo. Memories swirled in my head. Memories of us laughing and smiling. Memories of me comforting her when she was sad with a Mermaid Milkshake from Tikki Kingdom. I would've made such a lovely groom except now I'm fucked in the head. I had no idea what had gotten into me but every time I passed that place, it was like I couldn't breathe. My chest would tighten and my heart would try to reach for it while my brain gave the finger to the whole thing. I was really struggling and Arielle had stayed and help out for a few days. Sometimes I dreamed of running up to Nicole's door and when she opened it, kissing her and bringing her bridal style to her bedroom. I missed my past. Not because of just her but because I was so happy back then. I know back then was like almost two weeks ago. Funny how Christmas Eve was my last happy day and I spent New Years just being angry and crying till I threw up. So far the new year was not off to a good start. Valentine's was going to be torture.

I was halluncinating. Every corner of my house was haunted by her face but as soon as I looked in the direction of the faces they would fade away. I was now officially crazy. I had done this with Reyna but it was only for a day, and it was right after I found out. Nicole was making me just burn out and spiral and spin out. I was extremely mad and sad all at the same time. Angry that I had been such a fool and sad that yet another girl was proven to be just as bad as the others. I had sworn off dating until I was maybe twenty-eight. So two years. If I ever told a girl this, they would be coming after me saying not all girls were like that but if they said it the other way around about guys people would praise them for taking care of themselves and their mental health. Shitty double standards. I mean some were going against girls but I just wanted someone to care about my mental health for once. Was it so hard? I know I was on a freakish rollercoaster and couldn't get off. My head was trapped in the thought of her. My heart was stuck in the mud, far away from where reason could talk with it. Maybe today would be better. I still had my mom's generational ring. I couldn't give it up. I felt attached to it. I was going to run out of words to say to myself to keep not thinking of her soon. Could I ever actually heal? I was just destined to be alone and broken. I hopefully won't remember all of my problems. I was a monster roaming the streets, spelling girls to fall in love with me and when I finally did, they turned around and broke my heart with no regret.

I was walking around my office and just trying to keep from crying. I saw the photo I had put in here of Nicole and this was my first day back since everything. Willow and Jeremy were standing at my doorway, concerned for me. My eyes were turning red from holding back the tears and my hands were shaking. My whole body was trying to cry but I wouldn't let them. Willow walked over to me and placed a hand on my back when I stopped walking around like a mad man.

"Jere, I don't think he's ready yet," she said, softly. Jeremy nodded and went to the front to probably put the closed sign back up and turn off the open one. Willow sat me down in my chair and put a hand on my knee. She gave a soft smile.

"Declan, you're allowed to not be okay," she said, putting her other hand on my face. How did she know how to comfort me so well? I stopped the urge to cry and my hands stopped shaking.