A secret desire.

Hell on Earth.

It's a few months later now, and i'm still going through hell at Arsenal.

My first day back at training the morning after everything happened was probably one of the worst days of my life. Up there with leaving my parents due to the fact they couldn't treat me right, go me i guess?

I walked through the doors of St. Albans training centre the morning after the situation went down, a shift of the air occurred causing goosebumps to travel all over my body. I am genuinely terrified of what is to come, Jordan officially left Arsenal last week so she wasn't here, meaning i had no one at all. Other than the manager, Jonas.

Speaking of which..

"Hello Lucia, good morning!" Jonas welcomed me as he was walking past reception. "Be on the pitches in exactly.. (looking down at his watch) 12 minutes!"

Funny how he said 12, that's my shirt number haha..

"morning Jonas, i will be there don't worry." i nervously laughed off.

He walked away and i was left alone walking to the changing rooms. Before i even open the door I could hear everyone laughing like nothing had happened at all.
But as soon as I opened the door and walked in to my cubby, the whole room was filled with silence and tension also filled the air of the now called dreaded changing facility.

I sighed and put my bag down and opened it to grab my boots out of it before i felt a strong force collide with my back, Katie.

I fell on my arse so i'm sat down on my cubby seat in front of her as she stands over me.

"you've got some nerve showing your face here again." She coldly says.

"I play football for this club, the club i love and feel at home in. I won't let you guys take that away from me just because you all hate me now." i defend myself in a way which i never thought i'd had to towards Katie anyway. She was also one of my best friends.

"With me being at this club too, you will never have an 'okay' day and i'll make fucking sure of it. I'm going to make your life here so fucking miserable just like you did with Leah's life." I feel tears starting to prick at my eyes as i get up quickly and walk out the changing room door with my boots and my phone, keeping the hoodie i had on originally. I put my boots on and make my way out on the pitch, i was lonely now. This is what i had to deal with until.. I leave Arsenal.

•••

Every training session was always the same, i was lonely. I was on my own in partnered activities and shit like that, i always chose to go to the gym when it was empty so i didn't anger anyone with my presence, And i have avoided any sort of contact with everyone apart from the staff.

The medical nurse, Jenna, was becoming very suspicious and worried that i'd be picking up injuries every training session where we would have mini 5 aside games as well. She was starting to catch on.

I'm sat on the bench with 10 minutes left to go here at Villa park where we are playing Villa away, ...obviously.

I came off at half time but non of my teammates were passing the ball to me, I did score though. Seen as non of my players were passing to me, i decided to gracefully rob the ball of the villa defence and dribble towards the net where i eventually shot from 15 yards out. It went flying in the top corner, yay i guess.

I didn't celebrate, i felt a tap on my back by Jordan who I surprisingly distanced with over the past 5 months of hell.

After the goal, everything went back to normal.

•••

The game ended up finishing 1-0 to the Arsenal but the scoreline didn't change my mood, at all.

I got on the bus and put my headphones in and slept the whole journey back to London, i was bothered by no one thankfully.

When we arrived back in london a couple of hours later, i drove myself back home and immediately slept. Looking forward to the day off i had from hell tomorrow, at least i get a day of doing absolutely fuck all.

•••

CHAP 3 DONEEEE

I think i'm going to keep making the chapters around this length. I find it easier to keep up with the book when i do this if that's okay with everyone reading!