Finding The Life of a Victor ~ The Story of Katniss Everdeen

11

     I wake up on the couch in Peeta's arms. He's already awake.

     "Good morning, love" He tells me.

     "Good morning." I smile as I feel my cheeks burn bright red.

     "How do you feel?"

     "Better." I tell him truthfully. After a moment I remember about the pearl. "I couldn't find the pearl you gave me."

     "What do you mean?" He asks sitting upright.

     "Before I called you I tried to find the pearl to hold as a destresser, but I couldn't find it. I started thinking about doing... something else, and that's when I decided I should call you." I tell him.

     "Well, let's find it."

     "You do realize how big this house is compared to that pearl right? It's long gone." I tell him, slightly disappointed as I hear the words come out of my mouth.

     "No, it has to be here. Where do you normally have it?" He asks.

     "The top drawer of my nightstand."

     "Then let's start there." We look for an hour and find no luck.

     "Peeta, we've looked everywhere. It's gone." I tell him as we sit down on the side of our bed.

     "I know. I just hoped we would find it. I know how much you loved it."

     "I don't need it, Peeta. I need you, and I love you a whole lot more." I tell him as I trace circles on his back to comfort him.

     "The least I could do is find it for you after leaving you yesterday. I shouldn't have done that. I'm terrible." He says with his head in his hands.

     "Peeta, baby," I lean down and kiss his head. "look at me." I say pulling him up to look at me. "You are not terrible. You did what you thought was best in the moment. You're human, Peeta. You attempted the situation wrong and that's okay. I have never expected you to know everything. You are an amazing person, Peeta. You're an amazing boyfriend, and you will be an amazing father too." This seems to comfort him, but his soft smile drops at the word 'father'.

     "Yea, you're right." He says unconvincingly. He stands up to leave when I grab his arm.

     "Peeta, what's wrong?"

     "Nothing. I'm fine. I'm just gonna go make breakfast." His arm slips from my grasp as he tries to leave. I stand up and stop him just before he reaches the door.

     "Peeta, please. You comfort me day and night. Let me be that for you, please. Just please tell me what's wrong." I beg him, and after a couple seconds he turns back around and sits on the side of the bed again.

     "I don't think I'll be a good father." He says holding back tears.

     "What? Of course you'll be a great father. What makes you say that?" He looks up from the ground to my eyes. The tears in his eyes are threatening to spill and he's biting his lip to contain them. "Is this about the hijacking? I haven't felt unsafe at all since you've been back. You know how to calm yourself down, you're not dangerous-"

     "No, it's not about the hijacking." He interrupts. "I just," he pauses. "I don't want to end up like everyone else in my family." 

     "What do you mean?" Everyone else in his family? What hasn't he told me?

     "I don't want to be like my mother!" He breaks. The tears stream down his face as he continues. "Or her mother, or her father, or his father, or-" He stops do to the sobs and I pull him into a hug. He cries into my chest. "It's all just one big cycle." I kiss his head again as he sobs. I knew his mother had hurt him, but I didn't know he felt this way about it.