Our musical / Satosugu

-18-

TW mention of SH

"It's..."
Suguru started and kept his eyes closed, as if afraid if he opened them there would be no other than Mahito, or worse, Satoru laughing at his face.
"It's a lot to tell are you sure?"
Suguru doubted himself, his ability to explain what had happened, doubted that his voice would stay steady as he spoke. Satoru shook his head and grabbed Sugurus hand in a gentle and reassuring manner, giving it a light squeeze.
"It's worth my while"
He said with a small smile and nodded for him to go ahead and start.
The raven haired couldn't speak, the image of Mahito's slit wrists fresh in his mind as if it hard happened yesterday although it had already been over a week.

The place was quiet after Suguru had spoken, Satoru had pulled him close into a warm embrace as if protecting him. It felt strange for both, Suguru had finally told someone, well, a fraction, not everything, while Satoru felt strangely protective of the other, outraged by Mahito's doings and yet, they were in eachother's arms and everything seemed to be okay for that moment.

"Can you show me?"

Satoru asked eventually, referring to the chat between Suguru and Mahito where the image of the man's slit wrists lingered.
Suguru certainly didn't want to show him, not only was it disturbing but he was afraid he'd scroll further up their chat and discover things he had to talked about yet.

"Suguru this needs to stop. Let me see, please"

Satoru's voice became firmer as he spoke, the urge to go at Mahito's throat stronger than before, knowing if Suguru was hesitating it'd be bad.
But Suguru caved rather quickly and handed him his phone with the chat open.
Satoru's breath hitched at the sight and his stomach churned, his brows furrowed in disgust and like hell Suguru noticed.

If Satoru found out he'd hurt himself too, would he react the same way?

Would he be disgusted at his healed scars from years ago?

What about the rosy ones that needed some more time to fully heal?

Suguru found himself wondering about something, to him, normally so trivial without any meaning or second thought behind it, but for some reason he thought about Satoru and how he would react to seeing him, really seeing him.

„Suguru?"

Satoru asked carefully, his German accent dripping through and in any other situation, Suguru would have laughed at him and said he should practice to speak more but he simply looked at Satoru and took back his phone, found the chat between Mahito and Suguru deleted.

„You should not have to look at this "

Satoru's voice was relatively quiet as he spoke, a bit lower than usual, etched with hidden concern for his friend. Suguru was a little perplexed at his friend's statement. It's not that he didn't agree, but he had seen such graphics too many times. he only thing that made his stomach churn was Mahito though, the way he had no shame in showing it or laughing it away. Instead of him being a person that's deeply hurt inside, he's straight up crazy, a maniac to put it simply.
Because if Mahito wanted to, he could handle it subtly, no one except Mahito knew about his own self destructive behaviours either.

So why?

Why did Mahito have to handle it in such a disgusting manner?

_Timeskip_

Their day went on unusually quiet, none of them talking if it wasn't necessary, Satoru too disturbed while Suguru had to deal with his own mind wich was all over the place again, after seeing Mahito's slit wrists once more.
He was honestly tired of it, not only of Mahito but of his own behaviour too. A break would be nice, summer break. How often did he have that exact same thought? He lost count.
Nothing ever changed in sumerbrealk though, he was home, sitting at his piano and wasting his time away, drowning in his sheets of music with wet paper towels from his crying, sometimes painted in red when Mahito had sent something again and his mind wouldn't shut up because of it.

„Suguru you've been amiss this entire lesson, do you need a break?"

Shoko asked and he finally looked up from the head of his guitar and shook his head, though quickly stopped. Maybe he did need a break.

„Is it okay if I go back to my dorm? I'll coach up until next week I promise"

Shoko nodded with a small, warm smile and did not hide the concern in her expression. Maybe she knew, Suguru thought and nodded in acknowledgement, placing his guitar down and quietly leaving the room.  Satoru wouldn't follow, he knew, too much fuss it'd cause.
But that wouldn't stop Satoru to check up on him later.

„Do you want to talk about it?"

He asked although he had just gotten back, Barkley had taken off his shoes as he went over to Suguru to sit net to him on the sofa.
It didn't feel too bad now that Satoru knew a small part of the relationship he sadly had to endure with Mahito.

Maybe, just maybe, telling someone wasn't the worst idea after all.

„You were looking forward to music lessons quite a bit"

Satoru stated and Suguru feared that the exchange student from a foreign country knew him better than anyone else in this big hole of university. He blamed it on sharing a dorm.

Instead of them talking, the raven haired went to lean his head on Satoru's shoulder, closing his eyes in exhaustion to which Satou responded with a hug, a careful one, his arm just draped over him, not pulling Suguru closer than he felt comfortable with. He was thankful for this, being tolerated, accepted and cared for.

It was overwhelming him in a good way and he shut his eyes as he felt them tear up because there was no way in hell he'd cry now, not in front of Satoru anyway. Not when he was the only one being so close.

Notice
Every damn time i say I'll write more and upload more I seem to lie I'm sorry  T-T
I'm in my last year of school now I swear I'm trying to
Aaaand again I haven't read over it so my apologies if there are any mistakes, please put anything in the comments and share your thoughts

Love ya <3