"It" Can't Be Helped (Revised) | ♾️ | Blue Exorcist

44

Woah, what?

"Wait — hang on," I stumbled as I moved to stand in front of her. "W-When did this happen?" She shrugged and moved to the side, dodging my attempt to talk out in the halls. With a low groan, I followed behind her in silence. It wasn't until we got to the familiar practice room that I figured I'd get my answer.

The inside of the room made my skin prickle. It was perplexing, as I associated so many of my accomplishments with these walls. My first breakthrough with the candles happened here, I mastered flame manipulation next to these very benches. Yet, as my eyes roamed my surroundings, I couldn't help but feel apathetic. My mind had been in a broken state the last time I'd been under this ceiling. Those memories far outweighed any positive experiences I'd held dear.

My mentor shifted and I zeroed my gaze on her stature. She quietly moved to lean against the wall, similar to how she previously had in the hallway. "It's been a few months," she offered, her words breaking the silence that had settled between us. I only nodded. "We will continue your lessons from today forward. There won't be any video or audio recordings, however. The Vatican has stated they aren't necessary." She scoffed, shifting her arms across her chest. "Unless you do something out of line, I don't have to report shit."

"Why?" Is all I could think to ask.

She quirked a single brow at me. "I figured you'd be too excited to ask those kinds of questions." Nonetheless, she decided to answer me. "After a lot of deliberation, I've decided you're stable enough to continue. There's nothing more to it." I blinked at her, slightly doubting her claim. However, I didn't have an argument, so I stayed quiet. She took my silence as affirmation. "Before we start, though, I'm setting ground rules."

I pursed my lips, but I'd expected this much. She ignored my reaction, moving to tick the rules off as she stated them. "There will be no long-sleeved tops while we're here. You can continue to hide your scars any other time of the day; but not here. And," she ticked off another finger. "Everyday, before we start we will do a check-in. If you're not feeling on top of your game, we won't continue to lesson." My mouth opened to argue, but she shot me a glare. I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest before shifting my weight to one foot. "If you try and hide your emotions, or if I see any bandages on your arms, I'll stop us immediately. And we won't restart the lessons until I get the all-clear from your brother that you're stable again."

Her tone stirred irritation within me and I found my voice, the words holding an edge. I dropped my folded arms, choosing instead to raise my hands in a questioning gesture. "How is this any different than my cram classes? If I'm having an off day am I supposed to just skip those, too?"

She huffed, her pink irises swirling with emotion. I couldn't quite pinpoint all of them but I could definitely tell they were negative. "The rest of the staff don't know about your problems." She stated gruffly before she shoved herself off the wall and walked a few steps toward me. "They also didn't make the same mistakes that I did."

I shook my head in surprise, "what are you talking about?"

She sighed, and I saw a flicker of something cross her expression. It reminded me of that fateful night in the alley. Remorse. "Communication has lacked between us in the past. Because of it, you're like this." Her hand moved up to rub her shoulder in a sort of self-soothing gesture. The action made me wonder just how much courage it took her to not only admit to this, but to do something to atone for it. "From here on out, I'm doing what I can to prevent another scenario like that. Even if you hate every moment of it, I don't care."

My lips pursed as I turned over her words in my head. If this was truly the only way to get back into lessons, to have the Kurikara back in my palms, I'd have to bite my tongue and brave it. However, it still made me uneasy. "I get where you're coming from, but what you're asking is almost impossible." I stated flatly and my mentor urged me to elaborate. "I have a hard enough time opening up to my therapist. She's someone who is unbiased, she doesn't know me in real life. Yet, it's still difficult. I can't do daily check-ins with you, as well."