Afraid

Paige

Today is the day that my sister Belle is moving. My mum furiously called me at 5am this morning about this and I felt like I was full of anger at how my mum had done this.

I have an oncology appointment in the afternoon after Belle has left to go to Kingston. I am super nervous about this. But in a way I feel like I shouldn't be nervous because of how little people care. My parents do not care, and people who I thought were my friends do not care. Belle has told me she cares about my situation. But in a way she is probably more focused on her interests instead of something so tragic and scary has made my life a living hell.

I had the most disgusting breakfast this morning. I had porridge thinking that I would like that as a meal, but I do not like it at all. I ended up throwing it up as it went soggy and watery in my throat. And I was not even throwing up from having to go through chemotherapy.

Perhaps maybe the memory of the chemotherapy resurfaced, and it made me throw up. I usually think porridge is decent as a meal. I don't know. I'm not really a food person. Belle thinks I should get tested for autism because of this but I know I have decent social skills and do not have the problems that Belle has.

I drove in my car to Belle's house and when I got there, Belle looked very anxious and was pacing around. I asked her what was wrong? Is everything okay? And Belle paused and said that there was nothing wrong and that she is fine. She said she is super excited about moving but that she cannot find some of her rare anime figurines.

I told her that she must have already packed them in the car. But Belle said she knows they are not in the car and that she would have seen them at some point.

Hanna then started bringing out a bunch of things Belle had bought. I just kind of sighed at how difficult this activity of packing up all of Belle's items.

Belle must pack up her items as she cannot live in that house anymore due to disability insurance reasons as Belle has NDIS and NDIS cannot allow her to keep the house when she has supported living. She is renting the house using NDIS money and she must move everything to where she is staying next if she and Hanna (her disability support worker) are moving. That is why she must move everything.