Drawn To You (GirlxGirl)

Part 19

Allie's P.OV

The next morning, we began packing up the cars and I couldn't shake the feeling that Jessie was avoiding me and had been since that moment on the paddle board when we very nearly kissed. I could hardly even think about it without my heart racing.

Jessie hadn't made eye contact with me since, and every time I glanced her way, she was either busy with something or talking to someone else. The coldness felt like a sharp contrast to the warmth that had been building between us, and it made me panic that things were about to change for the worst.

We loaded the last of our things into the car, and I tried to push my thoughts away. I wanted to focus on something else, anything else, but all I could think about was Jessie and that moment we almost shared.

As Mark and I drove home, my phone buzzed. I glanced at the screen, my heart skipping a beat when I saw Jessie's name.

'Hey, are you free tomorrow to start the second painting?' the text read.

I felt a flutter of excitement in my stomach, but then I looked over at Mark, his profile calm and unaware. Shame washed over me. How could I be excited about seeing Jessie when I was sitting right next to my husband? The man who loves me?

'Sure, see you tomorrow' I replied and quickly put my phone away.

Later that night after settling in back at home, I readied myself for an early night; feeling exhausted both psychically and emotionally.

I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would take over quickly. Then I felt Mark's arms pull me closely into him and my eyes shot open again.

"I had a great time with you this weekend," he said, his voice warm and sincere.

"Me too" I replied, even though my enjoyment this weekend came from elsewhere.

"I've been thinking.. " Mark began and my ears stood to attention, curious as to what was about to come out of his mouth. "I think it's time we try for a baby, I think we're ready".

My heart stopped. I looked at him, trying to process what he was saying. A baby? Now?

I felt a swirl of emotions—confusion, panic, and something else I didn't want to admit. The idea of having a child with Mark felt reckless and I didn't know why. Or maybe I did, I just wasn't ready to admit it.

I forced a smile, trying to hide my true feelings. "I'm really tired tonight, Mark. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

Mark didn't understand why I wasn't overjoyed with emotion. I could feel the confusion radiating out of him. "Too tired to talk about our future?" he asked.

"I'm not saying that, I'd rather just talk about this after a good night's sleep" I told him, half telling the truth.

Mark sat up in the bed and I knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation.

"Allie we've been together for 10 years and have been married for 2 years, having a baby is the next logical step for us" Mark continued and I felt myself getting irritated.

"No Mark, it might be the next logical step for YOU.. but I still have a university degree to finish" I argued back, trying not to raise my voice.

"But that's why it's perfect! You'll be finished university by the time the baby arrives and you'll have all the time in the world to be home with them" Mark smiled, thinking he was saying things I would want to hear.

I let out a laugh, not quite believing what I was hearing.

"Why do you think I'm at university Mark? I'll have a full Psychology degree in 10 months' time and you want me to just forget about it? All the time, effort and money that has gone into this degree and you would prefer if I did nothing with it!" I spat at him, a little more intense than I meant to.

Mark's eyebrows lowered and I could see he was also getting annoyed at the conversation. "Who's money Allie? Oh yeah that's right, mine! I thought the least you could do to repay me would be to consider my feelings about becoming a parent!"

I was in complete shock at what I was hearing. He thinks I should do whatever he wants to do because he's provided for me during my studies. I didn't ask him to fund my life and I sure as hell wasn't about to be in some kind emotional debt because of it.

"I can't have this conversation with you tonight, I'm going to sleep" I told him sternly and turned away from him, my head on the pillow again.

"Fine" I heard Mark huff before grabbing his pillow and heading downstairs, I assume to sleep on the sofa.

Why would I want to have a baby when apparently I live with one already?