Drawn To You (GirlxGirl)

Part 47

Allie's P.O.V

A few more days had passed since that night outside the pub, and though the world around me kept spinning, I still felt stuck, trapped in that single moment.

Jessie's laugh as she climbed into that taxi with another girl played on a loop in my mind, stinging like an open wound that refused to heal. Even when I was focused on my upcoming exams, I could feel the memory lurking, always ready to pull me back.

Studying had become my only real escape. The hours spent buried in textbooks were the only times I could trick myself into thinking I had control over something. But the second I closed the books, the ache returned.

Mark had tried to reach out, offering dinner or a quiet night at his place, but I kept using the same excuse. "Sorry, busy with studying."

I could hear the frustration in his voice during our last phone call, the irritation as he tried to coax me into spending time together.

I told myself it was necessary, that I had to stay focused on my exams, but deep down I knew the real reason. I didn't want to go back to that life with him. My feelings for Jessie hadn't faded like I thought they would have by now. And even though I knew I couldn't have her, I still didn't want Mark.

Every now and then, I'd catch myself wondering if Jessie missed me like I was missing her, or if I was just a passing thought for her now. A chapter in her life she had already moved on from. Did she ever think about us, about what we could have been if I hadn't been so scared? That thought haunted me the most. I had walked away out of fear, but what if I had walked away from the one thing that could have made me truly happy?

Casey and Lola had been amazing, as always. They knew I was struggling, even if I didn't say it outright, and they'd been keeping me busy in the moments when it got too hard. They dragged me out for drinks when I wanted to stay in, put on cheesy rom-coms when I was too tired to move, and walked with me through the city when I felt like I couldn't breathe. In those moments, things felt lighter, manageable even.

They didn't push me too hard, didn't lecture me about what I should do, but it was clear they had their opinions. They'd hinted more than once that maybe Jessie had brought something out in me that Mark never could. A spark they hadn't seen in years. But they were careful not to push too far, knowing I wasn't ready to face that truth just yet.

It was in the quiet moments, though, when the world went still, that the weight would return.

The fear I had been carrying for so long settled like a stone in my chest. Fear of judgment. Fear of losing the approval I had worked so hard to earn. Fear of what my parents might think if they knew the truth about Jessie and me. I hadn't spoken to them about it, hadn't even come close to bringing it up.

They had always had such clear ideas for my life. A future mapped out in steady lines— a good career, a husband, and eventually kids. It was a life they had expected me to follow without question.

"Just talk to them, Al," Lola had said one night when we were curled up on the sofa after too many glasses of wine. "You might be surprised they might have some good advice."

Her words had stayed with me. It had felt almost laughable at the time. My parents, who had never wavered in their traditional beliefs, giving me advice about having feelings for another woman? But now, I was starting to wonder if maybe Lola was right. I wouldn't know unless I asked.

That was how I found myself driving down the familiar country roads toward my parents' house, my hands gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly. The fields stretched out on either side of me, their golden hues soft in the fading afternoon light.