Drawn To You (GirlxGirl)

Part 13

Allie's P.O.V

My eyes pinged wide open suddenly, my heart racing and a feeling of confusion, and then relief washed over me as I realised I had been dreaming.

I lay still as flashes from the dream started flickering across my mind. I had been standing on the street outside the same pub I had been in last weekend, only I wasn't myself.. I was Jessie's date, Emily. Our bodies were close together, my arms draped over Jessie's shoulders and I was leaning in, slowly and carefully, towards her lips but just as our lips were about to touch, I woke up. Yeah, relief was definitely what I was feeling right now.. not disappointment.

I turned my head slightly to find Mark lying next to me, his deep, rhythmic breathing the only sound in the room. He was still asleep, oblivious to the turmoil churning inside me. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to banish the dream from my mind. It wasn't real. It was just my imagination playing tricks on me. But the images refused to fade, the sensations too real, too intense.

A wave of anger surged through me and a dialog opened up in my head.

'What the hell is wrong with me? I'm lying in bed next to my husband, who of course is a man.. and yet I'm having weird dreams about Jessie.. Who is a woman. I'm not attracted to women, never have been, I'm straight, I'm straight, I'm straight' I yelled internally.

I turned onto my side, facing Mark, and stared at him in the dim light. His face was peaceful, relaxed, and his chest rose and fell softly. But all I could think about was the disappointment I felt. I needed to get rid of these thoughts, to prove to myself that my marriage was solid, that Mark was the only person I wanted.

Without thinking, I moved in closer to my sleeping husband and let my arm snake around his waist. I began to place gentle kisses on his shoulder in the hopes he would wake up from the touch. He stirred slightly, his eyes fluttering open.

"Hmm? What's wrong?" he mumbled, still half-asleep.

"I just... I need you," I said, my voice a little more desperate than I intended.

I leaned in closer, pressing my lips to his neck, hoping to ignite some kind of spark between us.

But Mark just sighed, turning his head slightly away. "I'm tired, Allie," he muttered. "Can we do this later?"

I froze, the rejection cutting deeper than I expected. I pulled back, my pride stinging, my heart sinking.

"Right," I said, my voice hollow. "Sure. Later."

Mark was already drifting back to sleep, leaving me alone with my frustration. I stared at him for a moment longer, a mixture of anger and hurt bubbling up inside me.

With a huff of frustration, I threw the covers off and climbed out of bed, my movements quick and jerky. I didn't care if I woke Mark up now.

In the bathroom, I turned the shower on a little colder than I usually prefer. I was worked up, hot, frustrated and needing release. Not from my dream, obviously. It had just been a while since I was fully satisfied.

I undressed and stepped into the shower, letting the water cool down my skin.

I closed my eyes and turned my face upwards towards the showerhead, enjoying the sensation of it pouring down my cheeks.

Those same images of leaning into Jessie's lips appeared in my mind, I could feel what it felt like in the dream to have her hands placed deliberately on my waist, her blue eyes piercing through my green ones.

My teeth involuntarily bit my bottom lip as I tried my best to push the images as far away as I could. I kept trying to picture my husband instead, playing through the last time we had sex. My hand moved to between my thighs and a different kind of wetness coated my fingers.

As I touched myself softly and slowly, Jessie's face appeared yet again I imagined, just for a moment, that it was her touch I was feeling. My breaths sped up as I clenched my eyes shut harder; anger, lust and desperation taking over my body. I tried my best to stay as quiet as possible as the high hit me quickly, a mixture of release and guilt washing over me as I slumped against the shower wall.

I stayed in the shower for a few moments more, trying to wash the anger and guilt away. I had to snap out of whatever this was. I needed to find a way to push Jessie out of my mind, to focus on my marriage, on Mark.

'Time away from Jessie will put this mess to bed' I thought to myself as I stepped out of the shower.

By the time I got dressed and made my way downstairs, Mark was already up, sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee in his hand. He looked up as I entered, a small smile on his face.

"Morning," he said, his tone light, as if nothing had happened.

"Morning," I replied, my voice flat.
Mark seemed to sense my mood, and his smile faded slightly.

"You okay?" he asked, his tone laced with a condescending concern that grated on my nerves.

"I'm fine," I said a bit too quickly, avoiding his gaze as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

Mark leaned back in his chair, studying me for a moment before speaking again. "You seem a bit off. Need cheering up?"

I clenched my jaw, forcing myself to take a deep breath before responding. "I'm just tired, that's all," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

Mark nodded, as if he didn't quite believe me but wasn't going to push it. "How about we get out of here for a couple of days? Let's go camping, like we used to" he said with a grin.

I looked at him, surprised by the suggestion. I hadn't expected him to notice that something was wrong, let alone suggest a solution. But maybe he was right. Maybe getting away from everything would help clear my head, help me focus on what really mattered.

"Yeah," I said after a moment, forcing a smile. "That sounds like a good idea. Let's do it."

Mark grinned, clearly pleased with my response. "Great, if we leave the day after tomorrow that should be enough time to get organised".

I nodded, trying to match his enthusiasm. But as I sipped my coffee, I couldn't help but wonder if getting away would really help.