Drawn To You (GirlxGirl)

Part 21

Allie's P.O.V

I rushed out of Jessie's studio, my heart still pounding, my lips still tingling from the feel of hers. My thoughts were racing, jumbled and confused. Guilt twisted in my stomach—guilt for what I'd done, for the way I'd let myself lean into that kiss, for the way I'd wanted it so badly. But beneath the guilt, there was something else. A sense of lightness, of giddiness I hadn't felt in years.

The kiss had left me breathless, alive in a way I hadn't been in so long. I felt like I was floating, like I'd just stepped into a new world that was brimming with colour, and I didn't want to step back out.

But as soon as I walked through the front door of my house, that feeling evaporated like mist in the sun. The place was too neat, too sterile. The white walls and the dark sofa, the minimalist décor Mark and I had chosen together—all of it felt heavy.

Mark's spare duvet and pillow were still sprawled on the sofa from last night, crumpled and half-falling onto the floor. He hadn't even bothered to fold them, and somehow, that small detail made everything feel worse. A painful reminder of the argument that had erupted between us last night- the tension still hanging in the air, thick and unavoidable.

Mark appeared from the kitchen, a cup of coffee in his hand. His face was tired, shadowed with annoyance. "You're home early," he said, a little too casually.

"Yeah," I replied, trying to steady my voice. "Umm, Jessie had to cut the session short." Saying her name made my heart race and I shifted on my feet, avoiding his eyes.

The feeling of Jessie's lips on mine was pulsing in my mind and I could feel Mark's gaze on me, heavy and expectant.

Mark nodded, but I could see the suspicion flicker in his eyes. "Okay... Well, since you're here, do you think we could talk about last night?"

I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly dry. My mind was spinning in a thousand directions. I could still feel the press of Jessie's hands on my body, could still see the way she looked at me, like I was something more than just Mark's wife. Had I kissed her because I'd been angry at Mark?

I didn't want to talk about last night—not when my thoughts were still wrapped around Jessie, not when I could still taste her on my lips. Not when I was confused about literally everything in my life. But I knew I couldn't avoid it any longer.

"Sure," I muttered, my voice sounding strained even to my own ears.

I walked over to the sofa, shoving the pillow and duvet aside. I sat down, my back stiff, my fingers fidgeting with the hem of my dress. Mark sat beside me, turning his body towards mine.

I couldn't look at him. Mark wasn't the perfect husband and sure he had his flaws, but he didn't deserve the disloyalty I'd shown him in Jessie's studio. The guilt was strong, but the confusion in me was overpowering. I should be wrapping my arms around my husband and telling him I love him. But all I could think about was how much I wanted to drive back to the studio and feel Jessie's lips on mine again. I'd never even thought about kissing a woman before, so what was it about Jessie that had me questioning everything?

"I know we don't talk about starting a family often but I thought we were on the same page" Mark said, making the statement sound more like a question.

I took a deep breath before responding.

"I just don't feel ready, Mark" I told him truthfully.

Mark let out a sarcastic laugh which got my back up instantly.

"Allie you don't have a job, and yet you have financial security for life because of me. You're passing time by studying, and yet you've chosen a degree that you'll struggle to get a job with. You need something to give you a purpose and a baby will give you that. I think you're ready" he said in a patronising tone.

"Don't you dare tell me what I'm ready for" I spat back quickly. "My degree means something to me Mark and I have as good a chance as anyone at finding a job after graduation. You might want a quiet, well behaved house wife but that's not me.. not anymore" I told him sternly.

I looked at him properly for the first time since I got home. I had every intention of preventing another argument today but Mark was making it difficult to stay calm.

"You're changing Allie, I feel like I don't know you these days" he sighed and rubbed the back of his head.

"Yeah well that makes two of us".

"I think you should take some time to remember how good of you've got it here, then maybe you'll come to your senses" Mark said angrily and stood up from the sofa.

I flinched at his words. Mark had always been so self centred and failed to recognise my feelings and opinions. But with a decision as big as having a child together, I thought he would have been more understanding.

"You think I've got it so good?" I said looking up at him, my voice sharp. "You think I should be grateful because you pay for things? Because you've decided what my life should look like?"

Mark towered over me, looking down at me with his harsh eyes. "This isn't the woman I married talking right now, you're being incredibly selfish". His voice was low, intimidating almost.

"Maybe that's because I'm finally figuring out who I am!" I raised my voice, refusing to let him overpower me, but I couldn't help letting tears form in my eyes.

"You know who you are.. you're my wife" he said as he picked up his jacket. "Let me know when you figure that out and we can go back to normal".

The front door slammed so hard behind him that the mirror on the wall rattled.

I sank onto the sofa, staring blankly at the empty space where Mark had just stood, trying to make sense of what I was feeling. I didn't know what was to come next. But I was glad to be alone.

The tears fell silently from my eyes. I didn't know who I was crying over but I did know that
I wasn't the same person as I was yesterday. And maybe that was ok.