Heroin(e)

Chapter Twenty Two

My hands slipped and fumbled over the handle. I pushed the window open slowly, making sure it didn't creak and wake anyone up. Nana was staying the night and she was a light sleeper. I didn't come in through the front door knowing she'd hear me. Instead I opted for the fire escape beside my bedroom window. They'd never know I was out. 

Swinging my leg over, I eased myself into my bedroom, my other foot catching on the window and falling to the floor. "Shit, fuck!" I whispered, hissing from the pain. I froze for just a second, listening for any footsteps. If either of them heard the crash they'd come barging in here and catch me. And if they caught me, my Italian ass was getting cooked for dinner. 

Nothing. No rushing footsteps, no slamming doors, just silence. The sun was just starting to come up and if I could get changed into some pajamas or at least a different set of clothes, they wouldn't suspect a thing. Something with long sleeves so they wouldn't see the marks on my arms. 

Standing up and brushing myself off, I hurried to my dresser and wrenched it open, looking for something to change into. It was getting warmer with the coming of spring, and long sleeves were growing out of their practicality. But when the only thing I could find was a knit sweater, I knew it was my only option. I quickly changed into it, ripping my jeans off and leaving them on the floor. The sweater came down to my knees and I decided to forgo pants. Feeling the long night catch up with me, I jumped into bed for a couple winks before getting up.

**********

I held my arms over my chest, hugging myself to ward off the cold. A sudden cold front poured in from the north and covered London in a small sheet of snow. Surely every news station was covering the weather, and schools had been let out early for the day, children running past me in their uniforms. My shaky breath came out in wisps of cloud, and the snow flew out from under my feet. 

I made it to a bare part of town where the school children stayed away from. Places where spray paint decorated the abandoned train cars and under bridges. Places where litter was left where it was and loneliness inhabited the streets at night. Where drugs were more common and where I belonged. 

My heart had been pounding horribly since I woke up that morning. I thought going on a walk might fix the problem but it seemed to be getting worse. I beat my leg with the side of my fist to work out the knot in my muscles. Walking became an Olympic sport. 

I didn't know where I was going.

**********

My eyes adjusted to the light. There was no way I got enough sleep but it would have to do for now. I got out of bed and hurried to the kitchen for breakfast where I found Mom at the table and Nana cooking at the stove. I smiled at them and opened the fridge. "Morning," I said cheerfully. 

Nana kept her back to me and Mom stared at her over her coffee mug. "Good morning, Esther," she said. 

I rummaged around in the fridge for my orange juice but came up short. "Anyone seen the juice?" I asked. 

"We ran out the other day," Mom said. Nana refused to turn around, her spoon scraping the sides of the pot of oatmeal. "There's milk if you want some."

"Nah, I don't feel like that today," I said and closed the fridge door. "Oatmeal again?"

"It's good for you," Mom said, setting her mug on the table. I sat across from her and picked up the spoon, checking my reflection. "Have a good sleep?"

"Could have been better," I said, fluffing my hair up. "Had a dream David Bowie was the king of England."

"Where were you last night, Esther?" Nana asked, finally turning around to face me. She gave me a hard stern look, her eyes shimmering with fire. I looked back and forth between her and Mom. Mom sighed and ran a hand through her hair.