Heroin(e)

Chapter Twenty One

I pushed the cart in front of me slowly. Scanning the shelves, grabbing whatever, and throwing it in. As long as it said 'shampoo' or 'soap' I didn't care what kind it was. In the cart it went. I wanted to get this over with and get back to my apartment where I could continue hiding from the world. Other shoppers stared at me as I walked past and I gave them all the stink eye. What the fuck were they looking at? Couldn't they all mind their own business? Just because I looked like a walking skeleton who never slept didn't mean they had a right to stare. 

Check out was quick. Something told me the shop workers wanted me out of there almost as quickly as me. They accepted my pitiful handful of money and let me go. I took my bags with me and left my cart abandoned and lonely in the parking lot for some car to run over. 

**********

After putting my things away in my apartment I picked Scout up from Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones didn't mind the extra company but I minded the extra walking and extra payment. As soon as this paranoia dissolved I'd go back to leaving him here. Mrs. Jones had a fish tank brimming with tropical fish that Scout loved to intimidate. I worried he'd knock it over and kill all the fish and I'd have something else to pay for. Just what I fucking needed.

Right when I closed the door the phone rang. For a second I considered letting it go. It was probably Bon wanting to check up on me again. He'd been calling nonstop over the past few days. I assumed it was him as I hadn't answered and nobody else had the balls to give me a ring. Then I remembered what day it was and rushed for the phone. "Hello?" I said.

"Loulou? That you?" Celine's voice was such a breath of fresh air. So melodic and French. So promising with the hopes of future paychecks. "I've been calling all morning."

"I'm sorry, I had errands to run," I said, running a hand through my hair. "So what's the word?"

"You know what day it is?" she asked. 

"April third," I answered. 

"That's right," Celine said. "You're allowed to come back to work tonight. That is, if you haven't already found a new job."

"No, of course not," I said with a scoff. "I love my job more than anything." 

"I can smell the sarcasm from here," Celine said and I rolled my eyes. "Remember our deal? A formal apology to me and to Jeanie for what you did."

I sighed. "I remember, Celine, but...." I sighed again. "How the fuck am I supposed to apologize to her? I was kind of hoping we could just...call it off."

"You could start by saying sorry," Celine said. "And meaning it." That was just the problem. I didn't mean it, and Celine would be able to tell. I'd be fired a second time with Jeanie collecting all my clients' money, laughing her way to Italy. "I know you and Jeanie aren't the best of friends but it shouldn't be that hard to say sorry for starting that fight."

I ran my hand over my face and groaned. I had no choice. I needed my job and Celine and I had a deal. "Alright, fine," I said. "I'll be there in a few hours."

"Good," Celine said. "It'll be good to have you back, Loulou."

"Thanks," I said before hanging up. I collapsed on the couch and grabbed a pillow for me to scream into. 

**********

I slipped through the doors of the club and trudged past the early guests. Bon decided not to call today and for that I was thankful. He must have finally got the message that I wanted to be left the fuck alone. My heart hurt. Bon was such a good friend to me and this is how I was treating him. I shook my head and focused on the task at hand.