Heroin(e)

Chapter Fourteen

"Get out of here, Esther, we're done."

"I didn't mean to upset you-"

"If you can't hold up your end of the relationship then I'll just find someone who can! There's plenty of girls who will do what I ask, you're nothing special!" Adam screamed at me. He had never screamed like that before, let alone at me. I shrunk into myself as he chased me out the door. "Get the fuck out of here!"

He slammed the door in my face. My tears washed my makeup away and the rain washed my tears away. I stood there staring at the front door to his house, hugging my shoulders and sobbing. "Adam..." I choked hoarsely. 

A yellow car pulled up the driveway, shining its headlights in my eyes. It was his mom coming home from work. I didn't want her to see me like this. I took off down the street, hearing her car door slam and her voice calling out to me. She was a nice woman. But I never wanted to see her son ever again. 

I got home to my apartment and slammed the door. Kicking off my muddy shoes I ran to my room and slammed that door as well, locking it. I always locked my bedroom door when I had a bad day. 

Mom wasn't home yet. Nana was gone too. 

That was the tenth time Adam had pulled this shit. Every time I went over to his house by invitation he wanted to have sex. I told him I wasn't ready and he'd try anyway. So I pushed him off and that only angered him. 

He hit me for it once.

His mom would come home all smiles and ask how our day was. Adam would hide his bad attitude and hug and kiss her and tell her about the great time we had making dinner or watching a film on the television. And I played along.

I rejected him again and he threw me out of the house and our relationship. Some fucking boyfriend he was. Right then I swore boys off. I never wanted to see another one for as long as I lived. 

I cleaned my makeup off and changed out of my wet clothes. I grabbed my violin out of its case and began to play. The notes were angry and hurt just like me. 

**********

"You ever have a boyfriend?" Bon asked me as we shared a bottle of whiskey. He had called me again and asked if he could come over. Ready to have some company I eagerly agreed and dished us up some leftover chicken soup. After eating and doing dishes we sat on the floor and put some records on. Bon brought a huge bottle of Jack and I got some glasses and ice. We had been sitting there for over an hour.

"One," I mumbled. "I don't like to talk about him."

"Alright then," Bon said and we were quiet again. I poured myself another glass. 

"What about you?" I asked.

"Hm?"

"Ever have a girlfriend?" He shrugged.

"Several," he said. "Had a wife too."

Huh," was all I said. I wasn't expecting to hear that. Obviously they weren't together anymore and I felt bad. I was almost sorry I asked. "What was her name?"

"Irene," he said. "She's a wonderful woman, make no mistake. But it didn't work out, ya' know?"

"Sure," I said. Little Richard sang the soundtrack to our moment of moping. Halfway drunk and reminiscing on old flames and relationships, we weren't exactly the picture of happiness. Scout sighed from his bed and rolled over. He wasn't much of a drinker and left us to ourselves. "Who needs love?"

Bon looked at me. "What are ya' talkin' about?" he asked. 

"Love. Who needs it?" I repeated and downed half my glass. "All humans do is dump you for the next one. They don't know a fucking thing about love." I stared at the ice in my glass which seemed to have multiplied since the last time I looked. "I'm sticking with dogs."