Heroin(e)

Chapter Twenty Three

"Esther Marino! You're up, love."

I took a deep breath. My nails left their marks on the arms of the chair I waited in. When the house mom, Celine, called my name....I saw my whole future pass before my eyes. If I didn't pass this audition I wasn't sure what else I would do. Much to Mom's disappointment, I gave up on school. It wasn't for me. Heroin was more fun anyway, and school took up too much of my time for life's pleasures. Dancing at this club would do me a world of good. I could live here in London permanently and not have to move back in with Mom. I could take care of Scout and myself without her help. 

I stood from the chair and made my way to the stage. Celine's eyes drilled into me the whole way. I kept my gaze straight ahead of me, not looking at any of the other girls. They were all too gorgeous. Easily could have been models of some kind. Insecurities still shadowing me, I wasn't sure I had that luxury to fall back on. I needed this job. I needed to dance. 

So I did.

**********

"Ya' sure there's nothin' else?" Bon asked, looking around my apartment. It was chaos. I hadn't made time to clean and just threw things willy nilly. Bon stepped over a pile of my underwear I still needed to wash and cleared his throat. His cheeks were red from the cold. "Nothin' hidin' or any you forgot?"

"If there was any more I'd have taken it by now, Bon," I snapped, letting Scout lick my hand. He wagged his tail and slobbered all over me in excitement after we picked him up from my neighbor's. Bon shrugged and pushed away some hair from his face. "I wouldn't be out risking my life for a hit in the snow."

"Jus' makin' sure, hon." I could have growled like a wolf. What the fuck did he care? Bon didn't look like he was in any hurry to leave and I sighed, watching him rub his cold hands together. I pulled his leather jacket tighter around myself. 

"You want to get any beer?" I asked. Bon looked at me with raised eyebrows. 

"Beer?" he asked. 

"Yeah." I paced my living room as Scout and Bon watched me. "I mean, if we're gonna be here for fuck knows how long until the withdrawals run dry, the least we could do is get some beer to spend the time." 

Bon ran a hand through his hair and looked at the floor. "I uh...I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Esther...."

"Why the fuck not?" I demanded. He took a step backwards while I advanced on him. "Why the fuck not, Bon?"

"Ya' really wanna drink through this?" he asked, concern lacing his features. I stormed around the room, waving my arms frantically. 

"So what the fuck am I supposed to do this whole fucking time?" I hissed. "Sit around and sweat and vomit and shit and hope I don't fucking die like I've been doing this whole fucking time already?" Bon winced at my words and the volume I spoke them. Scout cowered away from me. "Is that what you want, Bon? Is it?"

"No!" Bon said, standing firm. "I wanna help an' as temptin' as it is I'm not gettin' any." I wanted to throw him out the door. Throw him out the window and throw his jacket out with him. You're telling me this fish doesn't want to drink? I didn't buy it for a second. "We can do this without alcohol, ya' know."

"What about smokes, ya' got those?" I waited patiently as Bon sighed, stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets. "....do you, Bon?"

"Yeah, but-" I held my hand out to him and he sighed again. "They're in the jacket pocket." I reached into one of them and pulled out a small pack of smokes and a lighter. The other pocket had his inhaler. 

"You really shouldn't smoke," I said, taking a cigarette out and lighting it up. The smoke cloud drifted toward the ceiling and vanished. Immediately the tension alleviated some but it still wasn't enough. It wasn't my heroin. "Not good for asthma."