HL one shots + asks

Blowing Wind

It was Bathroom Day as she had dubbed it.

That dreadful day of the week when her friends and professors barely saw her as she was always bolting for a nearby toilet. This hadn't been a regular occurrence until the year before when she was running around on quests so much that she barely had any time to eat properly or take normal dumps as the Highlands was not a safe place to do so.

Today however, she had luck for once. She had not felt the awful cramping that often made Ominis glance her way as she hissed in pain. Nor had the unsettling feeling of gurgling and rumbling interrupted her thoughts in class. Maybe for once "Tooty Tuesday" would be normal.

As she made her way to History of Magic mid-afternoon her handsome Slytherin boyfriend by her side, she finally heard the dreaded grumble. Apparently so did he.

"Darling, are you alright? Did you eat enough for breakfast? You know you really should eat more. It concerns me that you have such a small appetite these days." Ominis worried.

"I'll be fine love. You know I have a small stomach. I'm quite full. It's probably nothing. Thank you for caring though!" Johanna stood on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek, which made the pale boy blush. She then intertwined their fingers and guided him to their shared seat.

Throughout the class, her stomach continued to grumble and an odd pressing sensation had begun near her tailbone but she ignored it. She had held it before and she must do it again.

After class and a brief hurried and white lie explanation to Ominis, she bolted for the closest bathroom. But as she sat and sat and sat nothing happened. "Shit," she muttered. "Damn my good holding skills. Now it will come when I least expect or desire it."

Throughout the rest of the day she visited the bathroom a few more times, hoping her situation might improve but it did not. No. And it didn't improve for a week. A whole bloody week.

A week to the day Johanna was out in the Highlands on her usual midnight- 3 am murder jaunts. She wore her favorite exploring outfit with her rough overcoat and had just snuck into a goblin camp to look for treasure when they spotted her. "Oh, fiddlesticks!" she sighed.

"Prepare to die little witch!" a goblin sneered at her.

She laughed, and stretched out her hands, cracking her knuckles before drawing her wand from the holster at her hip. "Says you, you ugly toad!"

The fight ensued, the sassy witch firing clever insults and her favorite spells. Diffindo, Confringo, and Bombarda, an occasional accio pulling them in closer to see her smirk before they were engulfed in flames.

And then it happened.

A small but deadly fart escaped her, the wind current blowing it right into their faces.

"Disgusting mudblood! Were you taught no decorum!? What a lady you are." A dark wizard jeered, hurling the insult along with a deadly spell.

"Protego!" Johanna shouted, sliding backward on her knees as her shield spread around her. She grimaced, partially from the rebound and partially from the cramp that made her groan.

"Says the wizard serving the losing side. Do you not know who I am?" she shot back, a spell narrowly missing the man's tall hat.

The next words uttered from his disgusting lips sealed his fate. "I know who you are. You're dating that crippled Gaunt. He should have put down as soon as he came out of her. What an embarrassment. Say where is he? I should finish the job for them..."

Ancient magic rippled through her as the rage reached a crescendo inside her. She raised her wand, eyes flashing with blue sparks as she called for the end of his pathetic life. But instead of lightning answering her call thunder did. From deep inside her.

And it finally happened.

The stress forced out her the most incredible fart known to man in all history, one that would never be seen again. A death far worse than any other and far more embarrassing.

Her magic exploded from her in a wide circle, sending those around her flying, lightning sparks disintegrating them entirely. And the blue gas rose around her in a lethal windstorm, spreading across the camp. Instead of making them pass out, it made them explode, their magic acting like a spark.

However, Johanna was unable to marvel at this magical anomaly for long. She had to run to the closest bush possible, as the spell she had created was not the only fiery thing unleashed.

In the following weeks, the mystery of this amazing catastrophe was being called the "Blowing Wind of Death."

Only dear Aura knew.