Beyond: Beyond the Lights

Chapter 24

MADELINE

Three weeks. Three weeks since Jamie apologized, since he laid his past bare before me, explaining the story behind that mugshot that had shaken me to my core. Three weeks of swirling emotions, a rollercoaster of fear, guilt, confusion, and an ache I couldn't quite put into words.

I'd told Jamie I needed time to process, to figure out what to do next, but time hadn't brought me the clarity I'd hoped for. Instead, it brought a constant, gnawing pressure that only seemed to grow with each passing day. The stress of finals was already crushing, every waking moment consumed by studying, memorizing facts, and preparing for exams that felt like they'd define my future. I could hardly breathe under the weight of it all, my mind constantly racing, my chest tight with anxiety.

Tennis was no longer the escape it used to be. The court, once a place where I could lose myself in the rhythm of the game, now felt like another battlefield. Every swing of the racket, every sprint across the court, was tinged with frustration, anger, and exhaustion. My muscles burned, my lungs screamed for air, but I pushed through, telling myself that if I just kept moving, kept focusing on the game, I wouldn't have to think about Jamie or the decision that loomed over me.

But the pressure wasn't just academic or physical; it was emotional, too. My father's voice was a constant presence in my mind, reminding me of the high standards I had to live up to, the expectations I could never escape. He'd always been strict, demanding perfection in everything I did, but now his words carried a different kind of weight. Xavier Torres had always been clear about the kind of people I should surround myself with—people who were driven, ambitious, spotless. And Jamie... Jamie's past was anything but spotless.

It wasn't just about the mugshot or the time he spent in jail. It was about what it meant to my father, what it would mean to everyone who knew me, who knew us. How could I, the daughter of the dean, be with someone who had a criminal record, who had kept such a huge part of his life hidden? I knew what my father would say if he found out. I could hear the disappointment in his voice, the lecture about how I should've known better, should've been more careful, should've listened to him from the start.

My mother, on the other hand, was blissfully unaware of the turmoil inside me. She floated through life, more concerned with social events and maintaining our family's image than with the realities of what I was going through. She didn't notice the dark circles under my eyes, the way my hands trembled slightly from lack of sleep, or the fact that I was barely holding it together. I couldn't talk to her about Jamie—or about anything, really. Our conversations had always been surface-level, about grades, appearances, and what dress I was wearing to the next charity gala. She wouldn't understand, and I didn't have the energy to pretend that everything was fine.

The only person I could talk to was Sebastian, my half-brother. We'd grown closer over the past few weeks, finding solace in each other's company in a way we never had before. But even with him, there was an unspoken tension. He was dealing with his own struggles, his own pressures, and I didn't want to burden him with my problems. Still, he was the only one I could confide in, the only one who didn't judge me when I told him about Jamie.

But the guilt weighed heavily on me. I was supposed to have everything together, to be the perfect daughter, student, and athlete. But inside, I was falling apart, and I didn't know how much longer I could keep pretending that I wasn't. The pressure was suffocating, and it felt like there was no escape, no way to ease the tension that had taken hold of every part of my life.

Volunteering at the animal shelter had always been my refuge, a place where I could focus on something other than myself. But even that had become tainted by the thoughts of Jamie, who had signed up to volunteer just to spend more time with me. Now, every time I went, I wondered if I'd run into him, if I'd have to face the reality of the situation I'd been avoiding. The dogs and cats still needed me, but I couldn't give them the same attention, the same care, when my mind was constantly elsewhere, tangled in the web of my own doubts and fears.