Beyond: Beyond the Lights

Chapter 21

JAMES

As Madi took in everything I'd shared, I felt a surge of relief mixed with anxiety. I knew I'd opened up a part of my past that I had kept hidden for a long time, and seeing her reaction was both nerve-wracking and hopeful.

I watched as she processed the story, her eyes shifting from sadness to contemplation. I could tell she was struggling to reconcile the person she knew with the troubled past I had revealed. The vulnerability I felt in that moment was overwhelming, but I knew it was necessary to be honest if I wanted to have a chance at moving forward with her.

"Thank you for telling me," Madi said finally, her voice soft but firm. "It's a lot to take in, but I appreciate your honesty. I need some time to work through everything, but I want to understand you better."

Her words gave me a glimmer of hope. I had been afraid that the truth would push her away, but it seemed like she was willing to give me a chance to explain further. I nodded, trying to mask the anxiety I felt. "I understand. Take all the time you need. I just want you to know that I'm here and willing to do whatever it takes to make things right."

As I stood up to leave, I felt a mix of relief and apprehension. The hardest part was over, but I knew that this was just the beginning. Madi needed time to process, and I had to respect that. I couldn't force her to feel differently or make her decisions for her. All I could do was be patient and supportive.

Before I left, I gave her one last look. "I'll give you space, but if you need to talk or if there's anything I can do, just let me know."

She gave me a small, appreciative smile. "Thank you, Jamie. I'll reach out when I'm ready."

Walking out of her dorm room, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, but another weight settled in its place. The truth was out, and now it was up to us to navigate the path forward. I was determined to show Madi that I was more than my past, and that I was committed to building a better future.

I made my way back to my apartment, the cool night air helping to clear my mind. Kian had texted earlier that he was going to swing by my parents and pick up Maria and explain the situation to them. My thoughts drifted to Maria, and I felt a renewed sense of purpose. She was my motivation to keep moving forward and to be a better man.

As I settled into my apartment, I took a moment to reflect on everything that had happened. I knew that earning Madi's trust again wouldn't be easy, but I was ready to put in the effort. I wanted her to see the man I had become, not just the mistakes of my past.

The path ahead was uncertain, but I was prepared to face whatever came next with honesty and commitment. For Madi, for Maria, and for myself, I was ready to embrace the challenges and work towards a future that reflected the best of who I could be. And without even realizing, I had fallen asleep with Koda sprawled out next to me on the couch, entirely emotionally drained from the events of today.

When I woke up the next morning, the apartment was quiet except for the soft sound of Koda breathing beside me. Sunlight filtered in through the blinds, and I rubbed my eyes, trying to shake off the heaviness that still lingered. The events of yesterday hit me again, but there was no time to wallow. Maria would be home soon, and I needed to be ready for her, both physically and mentally.

I checked my phone—no messages from Madi yet. It wasn't surprising; she had a lot to process. But the waiting was killing me. I wasn't sure if she would ever fully forgive me, or if she'd even want to, but at least I had been honest. That had to count for something, right?

Koda stirred, stretching lazily before nudging me for attention. I absentmindedly scratched behind his ears, lost in thought. It was ironic, really—Koda was the only animal I had ever felt comfortable around, and now, here I was, volunteering at an animal shelter just to be closer to Madi. Life had a funny way of throwing things at you.

I stood up, stretching out the stiffness in my back from crashing on the couch, and headed to the kitchen. I brewed some coffee, needing the energy boost. My thoughts were still a jumbled mess, but as the rich smell of coffee filled the room, I felt a bit more grounded.

Just as I poured my cup, the front door clicked open. Kian walked in, Maria in tow, her little hand wrapped around his finger. Her face lit up when she saw me, and in that moment, everything else melted away. Maria ran toward me, her pigtails bouncing, and I crouched down to catch her."Daddy!" she squealed, throwing her arms around my neck.

"Hey, sweetheart," I whispered, hugging her tight. I could feel the weight of the world lift a little just from having her close. No matter what was going on with Madi or anything else, Maria was my anchor.

Kian gave me a knowing look as he walked in, dropping his bag by the door. "She had a good night with your parents," he said, stretching his arms above his head. "I explained things to them. They get it. No judgment."

I nodded, relieved. My parents had always been supportive, but it still wasn't easy to lay all my baggage out like that. "Thanks for handling that."

Kian shrugged. "No problem, man. Just take care of yourself. You seem like you need it." He gave me a grin before heading to his room, leaving me with Maria.

As I sat on the couch with Maria, watching her play with her dolls, I found myself thinking about the future again. I didn't know where things stood with Madi, but I was determined to focus on what mattered most—being a good father to Maria and making sure I didn't let my past define me.

Later in the afternoon, as I was preparing lunch, my phone buzzed on the counter. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Madi's name on the screen. It was a simple text, but it was enough to give me a glimmer of hope:

Madi: Can we talk later?

I stared at the message for a moment, feeling a mix of relief and nervousness. I quickly typed back:

Me: Of course. Whenever you're ready.

I set the phone down, trying to temper my expectations. I didn't know what she was going to say, but at least she wanted to talk. That had to be a good sign.

As the day went on, I found myself alternating between playing with Maria and checking my phone, waiting for her response. My mind raced with possibilities—what would Madi say? Would she want to end things before they even began, or was there a chance she was willing to give us another shot?

By the time Maria had fallen asleep for her afternoon nap, I felt the anxiety bubbling up again. I needed to clear my head. Kian had headed out to run errands, leaving me alone in the apartment. Koda padded over, sensing my restless energy, and I decided a walk was exactly what I needed.

I clipped Koda's leash to her collar and stepped outside into the crisp afternoon air. As we walked through the neighborhood, I let my thoughts wander. Whatever happened next with Madi, I knew one thing for sure—I wasn't going to give up. Not on her, not on Maria, and not on myself.

And maybe, just maybe, everything would fall into place.