Err0r

Chapter 9: Pain

     The sun came up faster than Pixal had expected it would. She did spend quite a bit of the night walking around the city though so it wasn't that surprising. She blinked her eyes and opened and took in a breath. The room looked the same as it always did, the hallways looked normal, the lights were the same as they always were. Nothing was different about today. It seemed typical or normal. Pixal didn't like using the word normal. People used it to describe something usual or rather something expected. The word normal was used very often lately Pixal noticed. For example technology became the new normal. People called the city New Ninjago City but it just became the normal way of talking. The city may have had many new aspects but the people adjusted rather quickly. People were good at adapting. Pixal found she was more efficient at it but that was because she wasn't normal. Or at least that's what others called her. They didn't use a word like un-normal though. The word used was different or unusual. Even if the words were different they still meant the same thing. Although un-normal wasn't really a word she found out early on.

The sun was bright but it was normal for it to be that way. Pixal watched people walking in and out of the double doors like normal. The lobby looked the same as always. There was nothing different or unusual about the building. Except for Pixal herself. Technology was the new normal but she was not. Being a droid in New Ninjago City she was unique. One of a kind one might say to be nice. In reality she was just the only one. Zane was a nindroid, a term coined by the Ninja. Pixal knew she wasn't like Zane. It made her feel even more different than everyone else. No one knew what she thought about, no one wanted to know. She was ignored for the most part. Being a droid, people assumed she was just another robot in the city. It was true she was another face of metal but that's all people assumed she was. Nothing more. She heard the whispers when a worker happened to glance at her. She wanted to stop them and tell them that she wasn't an emotionless piece of metal. She wanted to scream at everyone that she wasn't. She didn't know what she was. She wasn't a human or a nindroid. She was Pixal, a one of a kind droid. Though knowing that didn't help much either. Sometimes she felt a 'pit' in her stomach and a 'lump' in her throat when she heard people mention her. No one mentioned her in any positive way, not one that she knew of anyway.

She knew this. She could check security cameras all over the tower and witness workers bring her up briefly in conversation. She was mentioned as "creepy" most of the time. "Emotionless" was something even Borg described her as, once. Even hearing herself described as "dead inside" made her wonder what it all meant. She wasn't sure why but when she heard others describing her this way she felt a feeling that she didn't feel about anything else. It was similar to when Borg said they weren't family. She felt her chest ache and her breathing was heavy for a brief moment. She- she felt pain. Even that was hard for her to comprehend. Hearing those words, hearing those things about her, it was painful. When she felt that way she forced herself to pretend she didn't and curse that she wasn't even in any physical pain she hadn't even known the feeling before. She sometimes laughed until the aching in her chest went away. She didn't laugh very often- or even at all. When she did laugh it was fake. She wasn't actually finding anything humorous. She found forceful laughter the best way to cover up feelings. Borg heard her laughing once. He told her that it sounded like she was crying.

Pixal obviously tried to cover up what he had heard. She didn't cry ever and she wasn't about to say she did. There was no reason for her to. In her mind she shouldn't feel sad about anything. She had a purpose, a job to do. Something to keep her busy with something she was made for. The tiny voice in her head whispered that she was also made to feel human emotions but she quickly silenced it. Borg was her top priority, not herself and certainly not her emotions. She wondered where he was at the moment. Her hands folded and her arms rested on the desk. She laid her chin on top of them. Her green eyes began to slowly close. She wasn't tired, she was bored. Even so her head swirled with something she had never experienced before, she wondered if it was a dream. It wasn't a dream though but a memory that her mind had been bugging her with all morning. It wasn't something she particularly remembered though it seemed it had been altered.