The Delinquent's First Love

The Delinquent's First Love - Forty

The Delinquent's First Love – Forty

We stood awkwardly in silence. Wind rushed by. The leaves on the trees rustled. The sky was bright and all we had to do was start talking. It's a perfect day. Would it end perfectly for me? For us, too?

"How are you?" he asked. He didn't take any step closer to me. He stayed rooted on his place but the way he looked at me, I could tell that he wanted to get closer. "It's been a while."

It's been a while...

"Do you think this is right?" I asked.

What was wrong with me? I wanted this guy in front of me. I wanted him to hug me and tell me that he still loved me. I never wanted anything in the world but him. I couldn't have my parents back but I could have him back. I just had to eat my pride and welcome him back in my arms.

He walked towards me then, leaving just few inches away. "This is right. I won't be here if it's not. I—"

"Don't," I cut him off. "Don't say anything."

He held his breathe.

"I'm sorry but I don't think this is right. You being here is not right. Haven't you moved on?"

He swallowed. "Moved on? I've been thinking about you since the last time we saw each other. You disappeared after Mr. Cameron was arrested and I've tried everything to find where you are. I even asked Emma if she knows anything about you, but you shut yourself to her as well. She said she knew your phone number but I don't want that, I want to see you personally so I'd know you are okay," he stated. He stepped closer and held me at an arm's length. "I still love you. Can't you see that?"

I hid my feelings for him already. I tried my very best to forget everything about him because he was a part of my past and the past was the one thing I wanted to forget. I knew a moment like this would come but I never expected it to happen so soon.

"Jessica—"

"Eric, I've moved on," I cut him off, pulling off an indifferent reaction. Deep inside, though, I was breaking. I couldn't bear to break his heart again. "I think move on as well."

He let go of me and looked down. "Move on? How can I? You become my past, present and future. I've build my world around you. All I had before was black and white but when you enter my life, everything turned into a rainbow. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I don't know what my life would be without you. So I'm asking you, how can I move on?"

I shook my head, a sad smile forming on my lips. "You shouldn't have built your world around someone like me. I was a broken piece of glass. I'm not worth of anything. You deserve someone better. Someone who will love you and will not break your heart, not someone who's already broken and scarred."

I walked past him now. I didn't want him to see me cry. I was fine before he got here but then everything came back. Everything that we had shared and everything we'd done for each other. This was not the ending I wanted to have with him. I wanted everything to be okay between the two of us. If we're not the one for each other, I, at least, wanted the two of us to be friends.

* * *

As I stared at my ceiling, I couldn't help but tear up as I think of Eric. Where was he now? What could he be doing? What did he do after I left him? Those questions had been circling around my mind the moment I got home. I wanted to hold him at that time and tell him everything was fine between us but how could I? How could I tell him that if every time I see him I only remembered that time when he wanted to give me away to Mr. Cameron? That's one thing I wanted to forget every time I see him. That one little thing was the only one spoiling everything for me. I so wanted to be with him right now.