The Captain's Heart

fifty

29th August 2022 – seven months old.

'Le? Leah? I know you're home, your car is downstairs.' Alex shouts as she lets herself into the apartment, which at first glance appears to be completely empty. She closes the front door and slowly makes her way through the house; checking the kitchen, living room and Rory's nursery before her hand hovers over the handle of the door leading into the bedroom.

'Le, I know you must be in here... I'm coming in whether you like it or not, okay?' Alex says. Taking a deep breath, she opens the bedroom door and makes her way inside to find both Leah and Rory curled up in bed; the six month old is fast asleep curled into Leah's chest as the blonde runs her fingers through her whispy hair.

'Hi...' Leah says softly as she glances up at her best friend making her way into the bedroom.

'Hi? We're really just going with hi? Do you realise how worried people are about you? I've had Lia on the phone in a panic because you weren't answering anyone's calls and you're just hitting out with hi?' Alex says.

'My phone hasn't been on since I left training on Friday... I told everyone that I was just having a few days just me and Rory.' Leah replies shaking her head.

'Well everyone clearly didn't expect you to just go no-contact, did they?' Alex says with a sigh as she sits down on the edge of the bed. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and quickly sends a text assuring Lia that the blonde is fine before turning her attention back to Leah.

'What's going on?' Alex asks softly and Leah shrugs her shoulders.

'I just wanted a few days with my girl... I feel like ever since I went back to training it's constantly been something and I just- I don't want to miss out on her life. I don't want her to grow up thinking all I did was work.' Leah replies shaking her head.

'Oh she's not going to think that, Le. Every chance you get to take Rory with you places, she's right by your side... That little girl is going to grow up knowing she has a mummy who absolutely adores her, a mummy who did everything she could just to get her here because she wanted her that much.' Alex says watching the blonde's eyes become teary as she glances down at the baby.

'I just want to be a good mum.' Leah almost whispers.

'Oh you are beyond a good mum, Leah. You are absolutely thriving in this new chapter of your life... I've been lucky enough to see you grow into the person you are today and I am so proud of you, Leah. I think you've had an incredibly busy and overwhelming year so far and you just need a bit of a break.' Alex says.

'I'm just tired.' Leah admits. If she's being honest the past week has left her feeling completely and utterly drained. Everything feels like it takes so much more effort, things she used to love like football feel like they drain the life out of her now and she doesn't know how to fix it.

****

'Here you go...' Steph says softly as she places a plate of food down in front of Imogen who has her legs curled up underneath her body, a small smile on her face for the first time in over a week.

'Thanks, Steph... I think- Well I think I'd be okay if you go back to training soon.' Imogen admits as Steph takes a seat on the armchair opposite her.

'Yeah? Are you sure? There's no rush honestly, Imogen. I can be here for however long you need me to be.' Steph says and Imogen nods her head.

'I'm not ready to go back yet but the world doesn't feel as heavy and overwhelming anymore.' Imogen replies.

'Yeah? That's good. I can speak to Jonas about maybe going back on Wednesday then and see what he says.' Steph says and Imogen nods her head.

'Have uh- Have you heard from Leah since the other day?' Imogen asks and Steph hesitates before shaking her head.

'What's going on? What aren't you telling me?' Imogen asks causing the Aussie to sigh.

'You don't need to worry about that right now.' Steph replies shaking her head.

'Tell me, Steph... I want to know.' Imogen says.

'Leah hasn't been in the best headspace lately according to Beth. She's been working herself hard in training, Jonas told her she wasn't allowed to train anymore on Friday so she had to sit it out.' Steph explains.

'B-Because of me?' Imogen asks.

'No, Beth says they think there's more underlying issues that she's maybe been able to mask until now.' Steph replies and Imogen nods her head.

'Should I text her? See if she's okay?' Imogen asks reaching to pick up the plate of food.

'I think right now only you can make that decision, Imogen. If you feel ready to make that move then absolutely but don't do anything that's going to compromise the progress you've already made.' Steph says softly and Imogen nods her head.

'Will you be okay if I take Calvy out for a walk or do you want me to wait so you can come?' Steph asks.

'I'm okay. I'm going to eat this then have a shower.' Imogen replies.

'Sounds like a really good idea. Do you need anything while I'm out?' Steph asks and Imogen shakes her head.

'I'm good.' Imogen replies.

****

'Do you think you could maybe have a touch of postnatal depression?' Alex asks softly as she glances down at a teary Leah's who's curled into her side.

'No, I've been fine until now. I'm just tired and overwhelmed.' Leah replies shaking her head.

'Postnatal depression can happen any time in the first year after giving birth, Le.' Alex says.

'I'm fine. I love her.' Leah replies glancing at Rory causing Alex to sigh.

'Not everyone who suffers from postnatal depression doesn't have that overwhelming love for their child, Le.' Alex says.

'I'm not depressed.' Leah replies.

'Okay... Okay, you're not depressed but there's something going on here. This isn't just tiredness or whatever is going on with Imogen.' Alex says.

'W-What do you mean? How do you know about Imogen?' Leah asks.

'I told you, I had Lia on the phone in a panic this morning because you hadn't turned up to training.' Alex replies.

'I tried to, I promise I did. I just- I got to the front door and had this pit in my stomach that I just couldn't shake, that if I went to training something awful was going to happen.' Leah says quietly.

'This just isn't like you, Le.' Alex says.

'I promise I'm just tired. Tomorrow I'll have shaken it off and I'll be absolutely fine.' Leah replies.

'Just don't ignore it, yeah? If you're feeling really low, don't hide it. You don't have to speak to me but speak to someone. You don't have to keep it all inside.' Alex says and Leah nods her head.

'I promise.' Leah replies.

****

From Imogen:
I love you. That hasn't changed xx