P. A. Featherington

(17) Truth Seeker

The Bridgerton Home

Colin leant against the door to his bedchamber and started to read the first chapter of the novel.

I stood walking around the crisp autumn grass. When my yellow bonnet flew clear of my head. After I cursed in my head, it blew straight in the face of a young boy who was horse riding at the time. He fell into the mud below. All I could do was apologise for my blunder. But there in that moment, a remarkable sound was heard. A laugh. It was not just a laugh, it was infectious.

Colin moved to the bed and laid on it, the book held tight in his grasp.

That laugh belonged to none other than Colin.

Colin swallowed hard. Was it truly Pen?

The third son of one of the most prestigious families in ton. The Dunthorpe's. I could not breathe, I could not move and my heart thumped so hard in my chest I thought I may collapse at any moment. That was the when it hit me. I fell in love.

Pen was in love with him.

It was madness. He spent so long being her friend thinking that was all she would ever feel. All those times I reassured her of our friendship must have been a stab to her heart. What have I done. How could I be so foolish.

Colin that night read that book cover to cover. It was her. All the interactions were the same. The town and surnames were different but it was her. His heart broke at the last chapter.

After overhearing Colin proudly informing a group of gentleman that he would never dream of courting me. I found myself crying until there was no tears left to shed.

Little did Colin know that his sister had also broke my heart moments earlier.

My mother was right. Love is make believe.

What I did not realise then was that I have a purpose. I matter. I became an author. With this being my second novel to write. Not all stories have happy endings. But I do hope you take something from this story.

This life is filled with disappointments and as long as we hold our heads high. We can accomplish anything.

Colin could not move. Could not breathe. Pen left because of him. He did this. And as god as his witness he would get her back.

The next morning Eloise was awakened by a knock at the door. "Come in!"

"Colin?" she gasped

Colin looked concerned for her reaction so he treaded carefully "She has written about you"

"I am not surprised in the least" she mumbled "It wouldn't be the first time"

"She's written about you before?"

She almost choked "Well surely you must know, brother"

"Know what?"

"When did Pen Leave?"

Colin looked blank

"How about I ask you brother, when did Lady Whistledown stop publishing?"

"You can't mean" he choked out "Don't be ridiculous, Eloise"

"I know for a fact. Why do you think we stopped being friends?"

"In truth, I thought whatever the reason was your own doing"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, brother" she clipped.

"I hate her" he shot out with very little believability.

El shook her head "You do not"

"I should" he argued. He missed her and wasn't sure why she disappeared but he spent night after night concerned for her wellbeing. "You should too" he shot back at her. Perhaps, she can hate her for the both of them.

"I was angry for so long" her tone sorrowful "but reading her last novel, I realised how she felt, how she possibly still feels" Eloise looked down in shame "All I feel now is regret for hurting her too" she reached for a biscuit and nibbled the edge "You can't really know true pain until you step into her shoes"

If this was before Colin read her novel, he would think that Eloise was exaggerating. Now that he knows Pen through her writings, he has seen her in a whole new light and he had never hated himself more for not seeing. For not noticing. How blind must a man be, to not see the hurt in the ones they 'apparently' care about the most. He felt like a prize fool. In his own opinion it was not entirely his fault. Pen had not opened up about anything that she had been through.

Then perhaps, I never asked. Am I really this selfish, only putting my thoughts before all others. I am not one of her pieces on a chess board. She should have told me. Something. Anything.

His mind was racing. All those times when she looked as if she had more to say, but didn't. All those times she had shrugged off her troubles and focused on him. Like hers did not matter. They matter. She matters.

God, I'm a fool.

Eloise stepped off her bed and grabbed her book from the shelf.

"If you truly want to know the inner working of Pens mind. Then look no further"

Colin passed her the other book back. She frowned "You have read this, already"

"I'm not illiterate El, I know how to read!" He snapped.

"Good good" El reached for the book "I really enjoyed her last book. This one will be just as thrilling, to be sure"

Colin frowned. Eloise is going to have to learn that he insulted Pen at her mother's own ball. How they both equally made her feel like she was never loved by anyone. It was a horrid fate indeed. To feel like the whole world is against you.

He dreaded it. Pen was a most accomplished writer. Nothing hurts more though when the words are about yourself. Your life. Which is supposed to be private was now out there for the whole world to see. The names may have been altered, but Eloise knows. I know. He returned to his chambers and started to read the first book.