P. A. Featherington

(11) Distant memory

Bridgerton House, Mayfair

Colin laid on his fresh light yellow sheets looking up to the ceiling. His mind thinking over the day he first met her. Young girl with a bright yellow dress, a butterfly pattern along the bust-line with net and diamanté.

Her red curls loosened on the top, where a bonnet was once clipped down before a breeze threw it into his face. He fell from his horse and laughed. That's when her first saw her beautiful smile. He could tell why Gregory had a small crush on her. For if he looked longer than was acceptable in society would allow, he was certain he would start to feel something for her also.

As the light highlighted her hair and her bright blue eyes. He feared if he stared into them for too long those ocean blue irises would swallow him whole.

She was a new friend. What right did he have to let his eyes linger on her form for long intervals. He didn't wish for her to see him as a rake. So he found himself distancing, even though doing the opposite would be rather enticing.

Even before his first one on one dance with Miss Thompson he found himself intrigued by Pens humour. He even locked eyes with her for a longer period than what was allowed. Pen made a joke, which knocked him back. She is as beautiful as she is witty. Still I should not care for her more than friends. After she turned her face quickly away from me I realised I had been looking at her for too long. How embarrassed she must have been.

It is only when she is around, I sometimes forget myself and my place. After all how is one to act when one knows that one day she will find a handsome man. Marry, and forget all about him.

With no one else around to see the best in me, I find myself lacking. I always find myself so eager to read her letters and to converse with her. I miss her so terribly.

Has she already found love. Have I so easily been replaced. I miss her so much. If only I loved her back, I would not be in this place. Alone in my room missing my dearest friend.

Our first dance. She wore pink. Her hair was pretty and we joked. I saved her from the bully Miss Cressida Cowper. I escorted her to the dance floor. Where she smiled. It was a large smile. It lit up the room and I couldn't help but smile at her back. The dance may have been short, but the way she smiled and laughed in my arms. The world around us simply disappeared. I wish it did not have to end.

Where is she? Is she happy now. Now that I am left behind. How could she leave me behind when it's her smile and her eyes that.. that.. how the bloody hell did I not see it.

She looked defeated when I told her I was going to the Mediterranean. She tried to hide it. I could see that there was something wrong. Why did I not chase her and ask her what pains her. How can I be so simple. There she was possibly about to declare her feeling and I shot her down. God damn it.

She had even told me that I was not a fool, clearly I am. Her soft tone. The words she spoke that night. What the hell is wrong with me. Was she going to tell me she loved me. Was she ever.

Why should she when I only ever talk about my damn self and my travels. She said One must declare it. Was that what she wanted to do. But I like a fool was not listening to her true intention. For heavens sake.

I might not love her, but I have the decency to be angry with any suitor that may come alone. They do not deserve her longing glances, her smiles, her lips. Those lips. So full and peachy. That slightly turn up when she is hiding that she is amused.

They do not deserve the way her hips widen and the way she frowns when she is working something out. No one deserves to hold her small hands that fit perfectly or the curvature of her bottom and perky breasts. No one.

No one.

Oh Shit. She is perfect. How could I not see. Correction, why did I not allow myself to see that she is the most beautiful lady in the world.

"Daphne!" Colin's eyes rolled to the door.

"Colin" she smiled warmly. Daphne's blue dress and rather expensive jewellery made her look like a woman worthy of her Duchess title.

"Brother, I have yet to see you. So I thought I would check in. Are you well?"

"Any reason I shouldn't be?"

"Apparently answering a question with a question is a large sign that you are, indeed, not yourself. Is this about Penelope"

Colin frowned at her. She sat on his bed. Daphne was sad that she did not know the reason for her departure and hope she realises how much her absence has affected the families at Mayfair.

"Brother, did you ever think that you should have told her how I feel"

"I do not know what it is I feel"

"Then try to explain Penelope to someone who does not know her"

Colin leant his head on the bed board.

"Miss Penelope Featherington, is the most frustrating lady I have ever met"

Daphne leaned closer intrigued, motioning him to continue.

"She hides how wonderful she is from society. She is sweet, warm, kind, witty and smart" his voice got lower, almost forgetting his sister was in the room "She has the bluest eyes, which remind me of the low tide in the Greek isles. Her smile is infectious" he smiled recollecting it "Her hair is like a warm sunset, just before the cool breeze of night. She has a giggle that is adorable to say the least and ..." he looked to his sister "I miss her terribly"

"Did you never tell her any of this?"

"How could I Daph, I am a selfish man who only ever talks about myself"

"No you are not Colin. You are a good man"
She remembered back to how he helped her get to the dual so she could stop it. Taking all the wrath from her two eldest brothers

"I am not good enough for her" Daphne had seen Colin sad before, about Miss Marina Thompson but this. He was tortured. Colin always shows everyone his cheerful demeanour. This. This was sad to witness.

"Is this what pains you? Perhaps, she feels how you do"

"Not all of us can be so fortunate as to find a love match, Daph"

"When you find her.. and you will. Declare yourself before anyone else steals her from you, brother"