P. A. Featherington

(23) Aftermath

MAYFAIR

Colin had to inform Eloise of the fruitless effort to bring Miss Featherington home.

Eloise could tell by Colin's demeanour that his attempts hurt him far worse than her. "The positive outcome is that Pen is safe"

"Not just safe. She is happy, her life appears flourishing. Why should she ever return home now" a small thought crossed his mind. What if Pen is with child. Would she know the signs. Would she do her best effort to be rid of it. Colin could not dream of a better life, then being a husband to Pen and a father to their children. Will her family ever forgive me if she is pregnant. Will his own family.

Eloise regarded Colin, standing there in a train of thought. Eloise touched his arm "Where did you go?" A tear ran down his cheek. He had lost Pen. A world without her around was agonising "I am okay El, don't fret"

"You know you can talk to me about anything"

He scowled. She stepped back "Or perhaps Benedict. He is a good listener"

Colin did not mean his reaction "Thanks, El"

At night he would dream of sweet Penelope. Moving around the town of Galway with her flowing fiery red hair and soft fabrics to accentuate her curvy figure. Her soft skin felt so perfect in his hands. How can any woman compare to the feeling that Pen gave him. Wherever Pen was. That was home. Would she question him if he told her he was to move to Ireland to be closer to her. Would she take the gesture in kind. Or assume it was a fools attempt of torture.

How could she disregard their love making. Because that is exactly what it was to me. Love. Perhaps, if I only told her I loved her then she would not have pushed me away so hard. I may be a man but I have feelings dammit. I can't even pull myself together to visit brothels since returning. Even though whatever I hoped for in the future with Pen, she sees as nothing but an insult. I still hold onto the tiniest shred of proof that she never told me she did not love me. If her writing were anything to go by. She loved me once. Where a flame may have burned once, then a fire may reignite again.

He laid on his plans for over a month when there was a visitor for him. He sulked his way down the stairs.

"Your visitor requested you join her in the garden. Alone"

"Her?"

"Yes, it appears Miss Featherington is home"

Colin rushed out in excitement. Did she miss him as much as he missed her. Could it be love?

Pen sat on a chair, he joined her. Her lips shone like stardust. Colin could not help but let his eyes fall to them.

"Colin"

Colin forced a smile. In truth he did not know why she returned from the utopia she found herself in.

"Pen, why are you here?"

Pen looked down. Held her stomach.

"Are you with child?"

Pen nodded. Confirmed it was his incase he wondered if they had another Marina Thompson scandal on their hands.

"I thought best tell you face to face. I did not know how you would have taken the news. Considering how we left things"

"I am so happy Pen!" Colin smiled, he looked as though he may burst into tears at any given moment.

"Are you being humerus?"

"What? No"

"You wish for me to have it and leave it with you?"

"You mean leave me my child and run again"

"There is nothing here for me Colin. No one who cares"

"For gods sake Pen, I care"

"I heard the cruel words you spoke behind my back last season. It is far better if I don't come back this time"

"Pen I did not mean what I said"

"Then prey tell, why did you say them?"

"I do not know. I had a lot to drink and the gentleman were attempting to use any fault I had as ammunition"

"Was it too difficult to say that we are friends?" Her anger boiling.

"Yes it was. How am I supposed to say that one lady means the world without them putting it upon themselves to drive you away from me"

"So you caused me heartache to risk causing me heartache" her eyebrows arched in confusion.

"I never said it was a smart plan. I am sorry Pen. You mean everything to me, and if I have to fight any suitors away to have you to myself, I will"

"So you wish me to a have a life of spinsterhood just so we can stay acquaintances"

He frowned at the word. It wasn't enough. He had not won her over.

"Pen, I do not wish you to be a spinster, I wish you to be with me"

"As a friend. Which is literally what I just said" her tone dismissive.

"No! Pen. As my wife!" He didn't mean to raise his voice. But for gods sake Pen could be stubborn at times.
All was quiet. Pen opened her mouth as if to say something. Then thought better of it.

He wanted to marry her out of obligation.

"Do not pity me sir. I will leave the child with you, there is no need to ruin your life"

"I do not pity you"

"Then why ever would you marry me other than me being with child"

Colin opened his mouth. I love you. Because I love you Pen. I wish to marry you because I love you. His head had been lowered trying to find the right words. He looked up. His eyes sore with disappointment. She was gone.

The Palace

Pen accepted the Queens invitation for tea. Not that she had a say in the matter, the guards placed the letter in her hand themselves. She had not even returned home yet to her mother. She was not ready.

"Miss Featherington. You were gone for quite some time. Any reason you have not graced us with your presence in nearly six months?"

Pen leaned forward "Scandal. Your majesty"

Pen knew if Colin and El figured out how the ton would have noticed the disappearance of herself and Lady Whistledown at the same time.

"Well, dear child. Don't leave your Queen hanging!"

"I believe you already know. You are as smart as you are cunning"

"I haven't the foggiest idea, so please spell it out for me"

Brimsley looked down at Pen with a smirk. If her Majesty truly didn't know then he certainly did.

"I am Lady Whistledown."