glassheart <3

didnt mean to

chloes pov:
i take a deep breath before opening my dorm room door. a new school, new opportunities, new friends, and a new roommate. i turn the rusty door handle of room 301 and take one more deep breath before finding out who i would be bunking with the rest of the year. "oh thank god" i let out as i realise my roommate hasn't arrived yet. i begin unpacking my bags, starting with my clothes and my toiletries. i decide to not pick which bed i want yet, and to wait until my roommate arrives so we can have an even say. i take a seat on the maroon velvet couch that's facing the fireplace in an attempt to calm my nerves over who my roommate will be. suddenly i hear someone trying to unlock the door and i froze. "it's okay, chloe, no matter who it is you'll still have a great year" i mumble to myself. whoever was trying to get inside still couldn't unlock the door, so i jump up to open it for them. before i could make it to the handle, the door swings open and hits me right in the head. "OWWWW" i say while looking down and grabbing my now throbbing forehead. "chloe???" i look up and immediately forget about the pain i was in . "RED!" i scream and leap up from the ground and into her arms. "not a hugger, chloe" she says while laughing. "right, sorry, forgot, but YAY!!!!!"

reds pov:
thank god i'm sharing a room with chloe. i could not of imagined being with anyone else, and i especially don't need to make any more friends. "well you've already made yourself at home", i say while flicking through all her clothes hung up in the wardrobe. "well you were an hour late to checkin, what else was i meant to do??" "so which bed is yours?" "oh i didn't pick one, i was waiting for you so we can figure out together who wants which bed". i couldn't help but giggle at this, she is always so thoughtful, i really don't deserve a friend like her. "how kind of you princess", i say sarcastically and give her a playful shove. chloe stumbles back a bit and her face quickly begins to blush. she nervously tucks her hair behind her ears and takes a deep breath while looking at the beds. i tilt my head in slight curiosity wondering why is she blushing. i decide to tease her a little more, can't hurt, can it? . "or we could just share one bed, princess" chloe flips her head around and looks at me in shock. she seems so flustered, i've never seen her like this before. she tries to get a sentence out but just keeps stuttering

chloe's pov
share a bed???? why would she say that?? is she joking or being for real? i can't even figure out what to respond to her but i can feel my face burning up and turning the colour of reds hair. shit. why am i acting like this? i turn my face away so she can't see, but by the time i could do this, red was already standing right in front of me. fuck. "i'm just kidding chloe" she says while clearly observing the new colour of my cheeks. "i assume you want the one under the window, and i'm sure you can guess i want the one that is away from the sun, so problem solved." red throws herself onto her new bed in the corner and my eyes followed her all the way there until we made eye contact. "what are you staring at?" "oh nothing red, j-j-just, just, the, uhhh, ummm, there's a bug in the corner."  red looks up to see the bug and immediately looks back at me. fuck. there isn't even a bug there! why did i say that?! "sure princess". i scurry to the ensuite out of embarrassment looking at myself in the mirror. "what is wrong with you chloe?!" i whisper to myself. pull yourself together. she's my best friend. i don't know why i'm suddenly so nervous around her. i flush the toilet so red thinks i didn't just run in here to hide (which is obviously exactly what i did) and then turn the sink on for a few seconds and then back off before heading back out and throwing myself onto my bed.
"i'm exhausted" i say while rubbing the bump on my forehead
"i'm hungry" red responds
"let's go to the dining hall then! we can make some new friends!"
red jumps up from her bed, ushering me to follow her. before she opens the door she turns around to me with a seriously stern look on her face, and bouncing between making intense eye contact with each of my eyes, close enough i can feel her breath on my face. "just so you know i am not about to put on a fake smile and ask a million people how their days have been and if they're settling in well, okay? i don't need any more friends." red says. she is my best friend but god is she intimidating sometimes. but is she saying that i'm all that she needs...? that's really sweet.. fuck why am i thinking like this what is wrong with me. after a few awkward seconds of holding eye contact i let out a little smile and tell her "that's okay red, i don't really need any more friends either." we giggle together and race down the hallway. "i'm glad we're roommates, bluey" ugh i love when she calls me that.
"me too, princess"
"never call me that again, chloe"
"you know you love it", red playfully shoved me again in response, except this time she accidentally pushed me a little too hard and i fell to the ground.

reds pov:
"red! ow what the fuck!"
i throw myself onto the floor right next to chloe. "oh my god chloe i am so sorry! shit you're bleeding! chloe i am so sorry you know i didn't mean to push you-"  "-red it's fine, seriously, it's okay" fuck i feel so bad. i always end up hurting everyone around me. my heart hurts just looking at her sitting on the floor with her knee bleeding and her forehead beginning to bruise. i don't know how someone like her could want to be my friend. "are you okay chlo?" chloe whimpers in pain, "it hurts a little but i'll be fine"
"chloe... i am so sorry. i didn't mean to push you so hard"
"red i promise it's fine"
"how about we just go back to our room and order takeout?" i suggest while offering my hand to chloe to help her get up. "i think that's a good idea" chloe takes my hand and i pull her up. why does holding her hand feel so normal? i hate physical touch but suddenly i'm enjoying this. i take a step towards chloe, so we are still holding hands but standing face to face. i hesitantly raise my hand towards chloe's forehead and gently brush my thumb over it, while going between looking at the bruise and looking into chloe's eyes. my face turn's completely red, and not in a blushing way. i feel my jaw begin to slightly shake and my eyes slowly begin to well with tears. "red..." chloe begins to whisper as she notices, but not quick enough for me to have dropped her hand and begin walking as fast as i could back to our dorm. i can't believe how much i have already hurt her. i can't help but just feel so guilty. she is too kind and too gentle for someone as destructive and cruel as me to be her best friend. and there was no chance in hell she was about to see me cry right now. no one has ever seen me cry. "red stop!" i only begin to run faster now. "red!!!!!" chloe now sounding angry, so i stop and turn around to see poor chloe limping as quickly as she could towards me. "red what's wrong?" "chloe look at you", my voice cracks and i cover my mouth with my hand and turn my head away in attempt to stop myself from crying or from chloe seeing me cry . chloe grabs my hand away from my mouth and holds it with both of her hands.
"look at me red. i'm okay. i'm here with you. so let's just go home, okay?"
"chloe i'm sorry, i didn't mean to"
"red, i know" she says with a comforting smile on her face
we begin to walk back to our dorm room when i realised we were still holding hands. fuck. what do i do? has chloe realised? should i let go? is this weird? why don't i want to let go?? i see chloe look down at our hands and i can see on her face that the exact same thoughts are running through her mind. chloe drops my hand followed by a quick and awkward "sorry". i look back down at her hands with her shiny blue nail polish and interlock our hands together again, "it's okay" we share a slightly awkward smile and continue the rest of the walk back to the dorm in silence. once we got back to our dorm, i scrambled everywhere for a band-aid. i eventually found one in the bathroom vanity along with some alcohol wipes. "chloe baby come here" baby?? i did not mean to say that

chloe's pov:
baby???? BABY???!!! i shouldn't be so excited by her calling me this. i don't know if she's just teasing me or means it platonically or just feels bad for hurting me, but i'll take it. i go and sit next to red on her bed and she starts to clean the scratch on my knee.
"chloe you know i'm really sorry about this. i promise i won't push you again" "red i told you it's okay. i know you didnt mean to"
"that's not the point"
"then what is it?"
"i hurt you. i hurt people. that's what i do.  i hurt people and then they get scared of me or start hating me and then they leave"
i don't understand why red is so upset over hurting me. it was obviously an accident, she shoved me as a joke and i've told her i'm okay. i hope she doesn't think i will hate her
"red... i-" i pull red in for a hug. i know she hates hugs but clearly telling her that 'i'm okay' isn't good enough. surprisingly enough, she doesn't pull away. i squeeze her tighter and push my head closer into her neck. it feels like time is frozen. i could stay like this forever. something about it just seems so right. i've never felt safer in anyone's arms before. she smells so lovely, like strawberries and cinnamon, i wish i could- fuck what am i thinking.... i pull out from the hug once i realise this is not a normal amount of time to hug your friend. "red, i could never hate you". reds frown slowly turns into a small smile. i couldn't help but admire the way the corner of her lips curves and how beautifully her red lipstick suits her. "my eyes are up here chloe" red says in a teasing yet flirtatious voice. FUCK i didn't realise i was looking at her lips that long. that is so embarrassing fuck. i throw myself out of reds bed and straight into mine and under the covers.
"your band-aid chloe-"
"don't need it. goodnight" i say quickly and dismissively towards red while my face is shoved into my pillow. oh my god i can never speak to red again. i just wanna know what she's thinking right now. definitely that i'm a weirdo. i don't know why i all of a sudden have a.... crush..... on red. she's my best friend. that cannot happen. i know we are both gay but her and i could never happen. i need to figure out a way to drop my feelings before they actually turn into something bigger.