Ashes of an Impossible Love

Dressed to impress

Today is the day I will see Mason again, and just thinking about it makes my stomach go crazy in a way that I can't control. Emotion and nervousness are intertwined in a multitude of sensations that transports me to the first time we met, and that frightens me deeply. The thought of facing him, of letting all my feelings overflow, fills me with a fear I cannot ignore.

It's 11 am and I decided to sleep a little bit more, because I really needed that break. The accumulated fatigue of the last days had been crying out for a respite.

I get up with a sigh and start cleaning and tidying the house, something I never have time to do during the week. I'm always out, and when I come back, all I want to do is get in bed, disconnect from the world. After cleaning, I prepare something to eat and I lay down in the chair, looking for a moment of calm.

Suddenly, I jump to the memory: What am I going to wear today? Anguish is mixed with emotion, and in a volcano of feelings, I wonder if something in my appearance will be enough to show him everything I feel. I wish the dress I choose speaks for me, to reveal the woman I have become and also the one he has lost. I want each garment to be a mirror of my emotions and make him feel how I feel; that when he sees me he feels a hurricane of memories and feelings. I want him to look at me and feel a tumble in his stomach, a surge of emotions that reflect the sadness and love inside. That every detail of what I wear speaks to him, show him everything at stake and all that he have left behind.

I have a lot of clothes, but I can't find anything that I feel is suitable for the occasion. It's true that it's still early, but that's who I am: anxious and cautious. I decide that the best thing will be to go shopping in search of something new. After so long without seeing each other, I want him to be impressed by seeing me, and I need to find the perfect outfit to achieve it. I don't really know what I'm looking for, if I'm looking for something that screams "look what you missed", "I've changed for the better", "security and trust". The truth is that, despite what I said earlier about our separation, deep down there is still a feeling of anger that I have not managed to overcome. I want Mason to see not only a change in my appearance, but also in the way I feel and how I value myself now.

When I return home with the outfit I chose, it's already three o'clock in the afternoon. This means I have three hours to get ready. Although it seems like a considerable time, I have to wash my hair, decide what kind of makeup I will do and make sure I have time in case something unexpected arises, so I decide to start immediately.

After getting out of the shower, I head to the makeup area, as always, with the intention of enjoying the process. I turn on my music playlist to accompany the moment. I know this will probably take me longer, but I prefer not to think about what's to come. Also, listening to music and singing lifts my spirits. I reproduce my list of heartbreak, which includes songs by Justin Bieber, Rihanna, Adele, Artic Monkeys and Taylor Swift. The atmosphere is getting melancholy, but I enjoy every moment.

That's it, makeup done. I have opted for an elegant look but strong enough to create an impact. To highlight my eyes, I have made myself a liner to create a foxy eye effect and thus manage to tear my look and I have put a little shadow with golden flashes on the mobile eyelid, which enhances the brightness of my light brown eyes. The contrast of the black eyeliner creates the perfect combination, intensifying its luminosity. I have applied a touch of blush to give a little life to my face, giving it a natural and fresh finish. For the lips, remembering how he always told me that he loved my mouth, I have chosen a red tone to go with the dress, which makes it more sexy and sophisticated. It is a long-lasting, resistant and high-quality lipstick, to make sure that it stays intact throughout the night.

I decide to pull my hair up into an elegant high ponytail. My hair, straight and quite long, fits perfectly in the style I chose. I put on the dress I selected: a red-red silk midi dress, which fits smoothly to my figure and stands out with its open back. Complement the outfit with beige shoes, which add a touch of sophistication and harmonize with the dress. I add some delicate jewelry accessories and choose a matching bag to complete the look. I look at myself in the mirror, checking every detail carefully, and I feel fully satisfied with the result. The outfit reflects exactly what I wanted to convey and gives me a feeling of confidence and elegance.