Ashes of an Impossible Love

On Fire

I begin to notice how his breathing becomes more and more choppy, trying to contain that fierce urge to tear off my clothes. His lips begin to travel down my neck, and I instantly feel goose bumps; he knows perfectly well that this is my weak point. His kisses become more intense, and before I know it, we are in my room. He gently bites my lower lip, whispering to me that he wants me, and in that moment, all I can think is how much I want him too.

His hands, filled with an anxiety he shares with mine, begin to unbutton my striped shirt. He lets his fall to the floor while his lips, warm and urgent, explore my breasts. I feel how I light up inside, a flame that grows with every caress of his. His kisses continue to descend, leaving a burning trail all over my belly, while my fingers intertwine in her hair, pulling it slightly, wanting more.

He kneels in front of me, deftly unbuttoning my trousers. I look into his eyes, and in that instant, his deep gaze pierces my soul. He is lit, his eyes reflect the fire that burns between us. With a quick movement, he gets up to kiss me with an urgency that steals my breath. I take off the T-shirt he's wearing, and in a second, he gently pushes me towards the bed, staying there, standing, looking at me, contemplating every corner of my body with a desire that becomes palpable in the air.

I watch him as he takes off his pants, remaining only in boxers, and for a brief moment, a voice in my head tells me that maybe I should stop this. But that thought disappears the instant his body covers mine, and his hand begins to explore every corner of my skin, awakening sensations that I thought were forgotten. I'm nervous, almost like a girl discovering something for the first time, but when he unbuttons my bra and my breasts are exposed, desire takes control.

His lips travel over my chest with a devotion that disarms me. He looks up, and his eyes sink into mine as I feel his fingers sliding inside me. An expression of pure pleasure crosses my face, and he smiles, satisfied. I seek to touch him, to feel him, and I discover how hard he is. Our kisses become more intense, desperate, as if we wanted to hold on to this moment forever, as if this was the last kiss we shared, a kiss full of passion, desire and an uncontrollable urgency.

I know that Mason wants more, I feel it in every look, in every caress. But I need to go slowly, although deep down I know that we have only a few days left. The fear of getting hurt overcomes me, so I stop him, apologize and put on one of my silk nightgowns, looking for a barrier between us. He seems to understand, although I know I leave him with a half-hearted desire. With a tenderness that disarms me, he tells me:

— Come here, lie on my chest.

Part of me feels guilty for putting out the spark we lit, but I'm protecting myself, or so I want to believe. I move closer and lean on his chest, where I can hear his heart pounding, a rhythm that reflects the intensity of what we are both feeling. The memories of what was not, of our love story that could never blossom, invade me. Knowing that he will be leaving in a few days, never to return, fills me with such deep sadness that I can hardly bear it. The tears are fighting to come out, but I hold them back.

He caresses me with a softness that makes me feel safe, sheltered in his arms. I want to stay in this moment forever, even though I know it's impossible.

— Can I sleep over with you? — he asks me, with a mixture of hope and fear.

— Yes, of course. — I reply, trying to stay calm.

We settle down to sleep facing the same way, but then he grabs me by the waist and brings his body closer to mine, as if he wanted to record in his memory every detail of my skin, of my smell.

— I missed feeling your smell and touching your skin. Thank you for letting me stay — he whispers, and his voice cuts through me.

United by an emotionally charged silence that neither of them dares to break. He falls asleep within seconds, I can't see him but I notice his deep breathing. I feel his warmth, his slow, deep breathing, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to forget how I feel about him.