Ruin The Friendship

Chapter 11 : I can't leave em alone

"Baby?" Clay's voice is clear, startling me from where I was lost in thought.

I notice the call is otherwise silent, and check, seeing it's me and him alone. Sapnap and I continued to play after upsetting Clay, but we were tamer, quieter, eventually cascading into silence, until finally-

"Baby?" Clay repeats.

"Yeah?" I ask, rapidly blinking, trying to focus on his voice instead of getting lost in thought again.

Possessive? Really? Am I sure that's accurate? Because-

"Where are you going?" Clay asks.

I hum. "Huh? Going where? I'm staying home."

He laughs, quiet. "No I mean mentally. I've been saying your name for like, a while. Are you okay?"

"Uh- yeah." I say back, swallowing nervously. "I'm just- I think I'm kinda tired, I guess."

Clay makes a noise. "Maybe you should sleep, then." He says.

I feel my expression twist as I consider it. "Sleep does sound pretty poggers." I mumble.

It gets him to laugh, so I count that as a win.

"You wanna go to bed? Keep me on call? I can sleep too-" He says.

I feel myself hesitate.

"No, I-I'd rather sleep, alone, I think."

I'm not sure why. I just feel like I need some breathing room.

Clay protests. "Is this about earlier? I'm sorry I kinda freaked out I just-"

"No- no." I interrupt him. "This is totally independent. I'm just tired."

It's the not the whole truth, but it's close enough.

There's silence for a moment, before Clay speaks.

"You're sure?" He asks, sounding vulnerable. "I don't want this to be a like- a thing."

"I'm sure." I repeat. I hesitate, but continue to speak, "I mean, I'm- I'm really tired so I think I'll-"

"Wait-" Clay interrupts, "-before that. This weekend? Plans?"

"Plans?" I ask, thinking. "Do we have plans?" I have a lot of make-up work due by the end of this week and beginning of next, so I'm not sure how much time I have to spare.

"Not yet. But it's- it's Valentine's, so we should uh- should make some? Yeah?" He responds.

Oh. Right. I chew my lip.

"I'm-" I can't say no to Valentine's. It's Valentine's. "Yeah. You can come down when you're free, then."

"Yeah? Then I'll be there Friday, meet the uh- the new roommate and stuff." He responds.

Something about it makes my stomach flip. I want him here, I want to see him, but- I feel weird, guilty too. I'm seeing now that 'possessive' might not be too far off the mark, even he admits it. I just wish he could see my intentions and understand there's no one for me but him. It changes my perspective on him as I realize how possessive he is, how protective, of me, he is.

Sapnap is his friend of years, but Clay's willing to get into a fight him with about me. The guilt pangs, sharp in my stomach. I don't want to come between them just because I'm stupid.

"Okay, bye." I spit out way too quick, before immediately hanging up.

I stand, stomach filled with upset as I make my way to my closet, carding through the clothes to pick pajamas. I try to shake the feeling. Being possessive isn't a bad thing, right?