$ugar ($outh $ide $ugar $equel)

-P.S.. why?

I stood there as Gus stood beside me and Meth,

I didn't have anything to say to him, at first I was happy he wasn't dead because.. who wants their best friend to die?

I was just upset now, and god knows I could not control my emotions.

I just turned and walked away, I could hear Gus call my name, but I didn't want to say anything to him.

I walked into the restroom and god it felt like I threw up everything I ate.

I couldn't keep it down, I don't know if it's because I was genuinely disgusted or just being pregnant.

I say there, against that bathroom door for awhile. I couldn't find the strength to talk to anybody.

I walked out of the bathroom after washing my hands and flushing the toilet,

I walked out of the venue and to the tour bus, sitting down and putting my headphones on and just waiting.

For what? I had no clue. Maybe answers .

But I didn't want to know why, I didn't wanna have to talk to Gus. I was upset yes. But fuck I basically ruined myself over his death. And it wasn't even true.

What else wasn't true??

I tried my hardest to keep the swirl of emotions as thought to get to me, I just wanted answers and just to be around Ruby because of his comfort.

But I was fucking pissed at him too.

I sat there on the bus for almost an hour until I watched them all walk out of the venue and to the bus.

I got up and walked out of the main area to the back and laid down, I had no clue how I was gonna finish the little bit of tour with this weight on my chest.

I snapped out of my thoughts when Ruby walked to the back and sat down behind me, pulling my back to his chest.

"Ma..?" He said softly, and that's all it took to make the tears start streaming down my cheeks.

I couldn't help it anymore, I just needed to know why.

He turned me so I faced him, wrapping his arms around me and pulling him to my chest which just made me sob.

I don't think it was anger, I think it was just confusion.

"Angel.. I'm sorry baby" he said softly, I knew it wasn't his fault but it felt like it was because he knew.

"It's not your fault" I said softly, he wipped the tears from my face.

"Who all knew..?" I asked, i needed to know.

"Me, Scott, Tracy and Ghoste.." he said, "So Kevin didn't know..?" I asked, "no baby, he didn't. All that grief shit was real, because it felt like it" Ruby said, and I understood where he was coming from.

He wanted to protect his best friend, which I would've done too. But that didn't change the fact that it hurt so bad.

"I'm sorry for hurting you baby" he said, "what else has been a lie..?" I asked, "Just that baby, everything else is true. And I know I'm not good with that communication shit.. but I promise it would never hurt you like that again." He said

"I know, but I just don't get why.. why I couldn't have known, I mean.." I said softly, trailing off before the tears started running down my face again.

"I know Angel, I know you don't wanna talk to him but it'd be good if you do.." he said, I did want to know. And if I had to find out from Gus.. so then be it.

I nodded, and Ruby slid out from behind me, walking out of the backroom and to Gus, I was nervous. Because there was so much he didn't know. And that i didn't know.

After what felt like 15 minutes of hearing Gus and Ruby talk, he walked into the room and I swore I was dreaming again. Because he looked the same, I mean.. for the most part, his hair was a lot longer, but it suited him.

He smiled at me and came and sat down next to me, neither one of us said anything, what was there to say..?

"Gus..?" I said softly, "Yes Angel?" He said softly looking at me, "Why'd you do it?" I asked, "I didn't have choice, it was for the best, and it's better if you don't know love" he said and I nodded.

"What's been going on? What have I missed?" He asked, "I got a tattoo for you.. Ruby did too" I say, Gus' face lit up, "Can I see...?" He asked and I nodded.

I pulled my sleeve up and showed him the tattoo on my forearm, he smiled. "Well, did you?" He asked, "I mean yeah.. I tried" I said softly , "but now I don't really have a choice" I said softly with a sigh.

"Why's that?" He asked, "I'm having Ari's kid" I said softly, "Your pregnant..?" He asked, "yes" I said with a smile, and he hugged me.

"Have you seen Nick yet..?" I asked Gus, "No, why?" He said, "He missed you alot, and so does Kev" I said.

"I know he does.. I've seen his tats online and stuff, I've been keeping up" he said, "where have you been..?" I asked.

"I stayed with Tracy, for a long time" he said, "Oh" I said and it got quiet, our little cozy moment was cut off by Tracy opening the door.

"We gotta problem.. kind of" Tracy said, "what is it..?" Gus asked, "Kev and Nick are gonna be at the next venue" Tracy said and I could see Gus's Face sink.

"Im sure they haven't found out yet..?" I said softly, "Girl, it's all over the internet, they've been blowing my phone up" Gus said which made me giggle because of how sassy he was.

I missed my sassy little brother.

"They've probably been blowing mine up and I've paid it no mind" I said, "Yeah, get some rest Angel, you look pale" Gus said kissed my forehead before walking out the room with Tracy.

And when I checked my phone, yeah they were blowing my phone up, so I just shut it off and left it alone.

I had my best friend back. Even if it was weird, I was happy he was back and well... Not dead..

But all I could think about was, why?

Just... Why??

I laid down, curling up and slowly falling asleep after awhile i felt Ruby lay down and put his head on my back and his hand on my stomach.

"I love you so much" Ruby said, "Are you talking to me or the baby.." I asked, "Both...of y'all?" He said almost as a question.

"Oh wowww" I said softly, "Well you already know I love you"He said kissing my cheek, "Yeah yeah, I love you too" I said back to him which made him smile, I could hear it.

I turned to face him, my hand running through his nappy hair, "You should let me do your hair." I said, "No thanks" he said, "why?" I asked, "Your harsh" he said and I fake gasped like I was offended.

"Okay Nappy head" I said, "Go to sleep Angel" he said and I pouted, curling up to his chest and falling asleep.

I loved him.