Bonkai

Chapter 3 - Kai

It was 3 o'clock at night and I couldn't sleep. Bonnie was in Damon's room where she has slept over the past 4 days, honestly I don't know how she was able to sleep after everything. She hates that I have hope. And to be fair I hate that she doesn't. All of this is my fault. I should have just not killed anyone, therefore not having to force Bonnie to rescue me to bring back Joe. Jo would still be here if it wasn't for me. My twin sister would still be here if it wasn't for me. I know I've caused a lot more pain Than that, for example killing most of my siblings but if I thought about that nothing would ever be okay so I pushed it to the back of my mind. I decided to stand up and make my way to Damon's room. I don't know why but I just wanted to see if she was okay. I stepped lightly on the creepy floorboards. When I entered the room no one was there and the bed hadn't been touched. I was worried for a second but realised she might be downstairs or something so I stepped again lightly, down the staircase and wandered into the living room. Bonnie was sitting on the floor reading some book intently. She noticed me watching her and just looked at me. I was about to ask her why she was up at this time but I knew why she was up at this time, she couldn't sleep. I don't know if she has slept at all. 'What are you doing up?' She asked me. 'Couldn't sleep' I said simply. She nodded.
'What are you reading?'
She looked at the cover of the book and said 'I'm not' I just looked at her almost questioningly but I wasn't really confused. 'I can't sleep and I tried to read this book but I'm just scanning the letters, too distracted'
'Why don't we go outside?' I suggested. She was too distracted and I needed distracted. She didn't put up much of a fight and we walked to the front door and went outside. The moon was yellowish white , just half of a slanted smile. It was slightly cold but not enough for me to shiver. I wanted to hug Bonnie but she already had a blanket wrapped around her and probably wouldn't appreciate it.
'Kai.' She said, pulling me out of my small daydream.
'What are we going to do?' It felt like a rhetorical question as she said it as more of a statement. I answered anyway.
'I honestly don't know' I regretted saying. I wish I could give her the answers she deserves. I looked at her whilst she looked at the pretty blue sky in a daze.
'How do you do it?' She asked
What did she mean. 'Do what?' I replied.
'Have hope.' She turned her attention towards me and said 'how can you have hope?'
Seeing the hurt in her eyes gave me a feeling in my chest that i hadn't really felt before. Usually when i felt bad for things I had done to her it would feel like my heart fell into the pit of my stomach but this time it was almost physically painful. Seeing how hurt she was was enough to, I guess you could say, break my heart. It felt like my heart had ripped in two and nothing would be okay. Seeing how helpless she felt was enough to make me loose all hope, but of course I wouldn't. I gave her my honest answer.
'If I don't have hope all I have is regret, guilt and pain... If I don't have hope I'm scared I'll fall apart .' I struggled to say the last word because I wanted to cry but I had to stay strong for Bonnie. I regretted saying this instantly as what I did to her is much worse than what's happening now. I had no right to feel sorry for myself.
She replied simply, leaving me at ease 'I'm already falling apart but if I have false hope then soon I'll have nothing left.'
I laughed slightly as I said 'I know it's not much but you'll still have me'
She also laughed slightly for a second.
'I'm actually glad you're here for once' she hesitated to say.
'What ? Why?'
'Because at least I'm not alone'
My heart sunk into my stomach once again because I'm the reason for all this . I'm the reason she's not who she used to be. I'm the reason she feels so broken.
'I won't let you be alone again' I promised in attempt to make up for everything I had done. She rested her head on my shoulder and let me wrap my arm around her as we both looked up at the sky. 'Lets go back inside' I said and walked Bonnie back to her room.
We reached Damon's room and I watched her as she crawled into the bed. I was about to walk away when she said 'Kai, do you think you could stay... Until I fall asleep?' I was a bit taken a back by her trust in me. She noticed my hesitation and tried to recover 'sorry that was a stupid question'
'No.' I defended 'it's fine, yeah I'll stay.' I pulled a chair from Damon's dresser and sat it beside her bed. We probably talked for about an hour because she asked me to take her mind off things. We talked seriously but still managed to laugh from time to time. When an hour had past I noticed she looked tired and suggested that she tries to sleep now. 'Promise you'll stay until I fall asleep?' She asked. I nodded and waited until she closed her eyes. She looked at me as if she was about to say something and then sat up. What she done next surprised me. She lifted her left hand up to my face and She kissed me. Just a small peck at first. She pulled away as if scared of me which I have to say hurt a bit. I wanted to show her that I wouldn't hurt her so I kissed her back more intense this time. I put one hand around her waist and one hand behind her head pulling her closer to me, but only lightly so she could easily break free if she wished. My heart was racing and I just wanted to stay in this moment for ever. Our lips fit into each others perfectly and when we kissed it was easy to forget everything. We must have continued to kiss like this for 5 minutes before she pulled away and whispered. 'Distract me' she kissed me fiercely. I couldn't believe it. Bonnie Bennett was kissing me. It felt like the first time even though I knew it wasn't. I was surprised when her tongue grazed my lips and our kiss contained more passion. She pulled me towards her and I didn't want to take advantage of her so I tried to pull away but she just pulled me closed once again. She pulled away for a second, lay down and then held my shoulders a forced me towards her. I was in shock to say the least but did not protest. We continued kissing whilst she began to take off my shirt... Was this really happening? I pulled away for a second and was about to tell her I loved her but I just kissed her once again, I didn't want to ruin anything.

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