Diary of a College Dropout (18+)

Entry 6: What do I do if he still loves me?

So I didn't know how or if I could ever face Preston again.

After what we did, there was no way I would be able to remain cool anymore. Already, there were like a million different questions swirling around in my mind.

Does he still love me? Does he want to get back together? Are we back together? Are we just hooking up for the summer? Is this a one time thing? Was it truly a mistake? Was it the best mistake I ever made in my life?

Then on the Luke spectrum, I was panicking even more...

Do I tell him that I cheated on him? Do I end our engagement and our relationship? Can I even go through with marrying him? Can I go through with marrying him despite the fact that I cheated on him? Can I have feelings for Luke and Preston at the same time? I guess I already do, right?

As you can see, there are a lot of unanswered questions...

The biggest problem I had was trying to figure out which question I needed answers to first. That only brought me back to yet ANOTHER question...

Which question did I want to know the answer to first?

After pondering this for the past two days, I truly knew deep down in my heart what I want to know the most.

Does Preston still love me?

This would solve everything, right? If Preston doesn't love me, I can chalk this up to a fluke of a night, possibly come clean to Luke, and Preston can fade back into a memory from my past. But if he does love me, I'll be forced to choose. Preston or Luke. I was pretty sure the choice was obvious. But I had to find out first.

There was another problem. I had no way of contacting Preston with my phone number still blocked.

So I pulled up to the Dunn's garage with what felt like an ulcer forming in my stomach. I was so stressed that I think my hair was even beginning to fall out. I was shedding a lot more in the shower than normal and no, I don't think it's the hair dye.

I was hyperventilating in my car, afraid to get out. Just sitting there, knowing Preston was right inside was giving me anxiety. I didn't know what I was going to say. I didn't know what he was going to say.

Was there even anything else left to say?

Flipping the vanity down, I frowned as I could hardly look at my own reflection.

"You're sick," I pointed my finger at myself harshly in the mirror. "You're a coward and a liar and an ungrateful little bitch! Luke has done so much for you and this is how you repay him!?"

I squeezed the steering wheel and slammed my head into it way harder than I meant to. After accidentally honking the horn with my forehead, my eyes widened and I looked up hoping nobody heard that.

Just my luck, Preston was standing outside smoking a cigarette and managed to see the mental breakdown I was having inside my car. My eye twitched upon noticing him as I knew I had to get out and face him.

I dragged my ass out of the car and put my big girl pants on. As I was trying to walk over to Preston as calmly as possible, he leaned back on the side of the building and watched me with a vicious smirk.

"What are you doing here, Parker?" He asked smugly.

"We need to talk." I said, ignoring his dumb face.

"Oh, And here I thought you were just gonna talk to yourself in the car a little longer."

Great, so he managed to see all of that...

My eyes grew wide with embarrassment and Preston did nothing but chuckle.

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked reaching out for my hair.