Diary of a College Dropout (18+)

Entry 1: I've got to call off this engagement

Remember that whole suicide thing I was considering?

Yeah, let's revisit that.

I know, I know.

I only write in my diary when my life is totally shredded. But to be fair, a lot has happened since my last entry.

After my second brutal year at NYU I'm finally back home for the summer. As relieved as I should be, there's a knot in my stomach due to the fact that I have to explain to my parents I'm on the verge of dropping out of school.

My performance was so bad last semester that my advisor has actually suggested I withdrawal and then consider returning only after I get my bearings.

Whatever that means...

My grades are one thing but my relationship is a whole other train wreck.

No, I'm not talking about my high school sweetheart, Preston Dunn. I know he's the last guy I ever wrote about in here.

I'm talking about my boyfriend, or I guess I should say my fiancé Luke Pierson.

Luke and I have been together since my freshman year at NYU. We've only been dating for about 2 years so imagine my surprise when he got down on one knee and popped the question.

The very public proposal at a fancy restaurant in NYC sort of backed me into a corner. It was not ideal. I only said yes to avoid any embarrassment for him or myself beyond the fact that he had put us on public display.

I have no plans of breaking up with the guy but MARRIAGE?!

I'm only twenty!

Sure, I've dated, had some mini relationships that lasted a couple of weeks and even the occasional one night stand. But when you get down to it, I've only ever had three long term boyfriends.

Drake Whittaker, Preston Dunn and Luke.

Well, we both know how things ended with Drake.

Painfully. Publicly. Embarrassingly. Depressingly.

The way things ended with Preston was an entirely different kind of heartbreak.

I guess I should get into that for the sake of documentation but it's a little hard for me to revisit.

I'll just say this: we had a fight.

A BIG fight.

A relationship imploder that we couldn't come back from.

No cheating took place.

No abuse.

No rupture of our trust in one another.

In fact, it was brutal and blunt honesty that ended things between Preston and I. It came from him and he forced a mirror in front of me that I didn't want to look into.

Looking back, we just weren't really suited for each other. We were too different. We may have grown closer to each other than I thought we could but it was far too easy for us to grow apart.

Meeting Luke showed me that a relationship could be easy and relaxed and that was okay.

It isn't burdensome and demanding like with Drake.

It isn't challenging and electrifying like it was with Preston.

It's just okay and that's fine with me.

Luke is a great guy. He has a similar background to mine. He played sports at his high school back in Connecticut and his family has money. They are way more than wealthy and even though they have more money than mine, I fit in with them pretty nicely. I can't read their minds but I can tell they like me.