Erm so this one is a self insert for my trans folks but it is in 1st person so lil warning for that. Logan MIGHT be a lil out of character in this one because I was mainly focused on the reader, not Logan. So idk if this is like actually good or relatable- or if i just accidentally vented instead of writing a fic 💀 also super rushed at the end bc im tired so sorry... ill rewrite this if anyone actually likes the concept.
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Sinking. Sickening. Lonely. I feel lots of negative emotions towards something that just makes me, me. I try to stay positive but it's hard in a world that makes me hate myself. Their hate slips into my head and makes me think I'm this horrible monster just because I'm different. Because something inside me is wrong. But it's not wrong. Everyone I know tells me it's not wrong but everyone I don't know tells me I'm gross, I'm weird, just some freak who's mentally ill. But they don't know me either. I'm not gross, I may be weird but I'm not mentally ill for being born in the wrong body. I didn't choose this.
Someone told me the other day "you don't just wake up trans" and proceeded to tell me that it wasn't something Jesus would have done. So we all have to do what Jesus would have done? We all have to be the same? We all have to align with something up to societal standards? Lots of accidents happen, hell plenty of my friends are accidents, it just so happens that my accident was the wrong body.
It's a sinking, sickening, and lonely feeling being trans. There's so many of us and yet I feel alone. I feel wrong. I feel.
I stare in the mirror, observing my features intently. They were too soft. Too feminine. The creak of a door interrupts my thoughts and I tear my eyes away from the mirror finally.
"What're you doing, bub?" A gruff voice rings out, oh to have that voice... I eye the muscular man enviously, effortlessly perfect. It pissed me off, he doesn't deserve my anger or my jealousy but I couldn't help it.
"Did you think I was a boy when we first met?" I ignore his previous question, scanning his face for any sort of reaction to my own question. He pauses. Fuck I already feel sick. Why would he pause if his answer was yes? I felt a lump form in my throat already, my eyes started to sting and I think he could tell my sudden shift in emotions because he closed the distance between us and wrapped his firm arms around me. His touch was gentle and the warmth soothed me but I couldn't shake that he didn't answer.
"Of course I did." he replies softly against my hair. "You're a man, not a trans man, just... a man... I've always seen you as a man." His words made me melt into his hug, tears still stung my eyes but a mixture of relief and the previous dysphoria I felt.
He runs a calloused but comforting hand through my hair. "Rough day?" I simply nod, unable to form words in my current state. I could never talk when I was on the verge of tears, it physically hurt to try. And he understood that, he respected that and he stood with me silently offering his companionship and touch as comfort.
I sniffle lightly and begin to relax in his embrace. Somedays were just worse than others and today decided to be a bad day. I can usually deal with a bad day but sometimes I just need Logan to help me get through it. It's a lot easier with help and he was always willing to help. He also has bad days so he understands to an extent which makes it easier for both of us to help each other.
"Just really tired" I mumble against his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the warmth radiating off of him. He nods and pulls away a little to look at me. "Let's lay down then, darling" He plants a gentle peck on my lips and lets his hands fall to hold my hands in his own. I smile and follow along slowly as he helps me towards my bed. I watch him from the side of the bed as he crawls onto the bed and beckons me to join him. He chose to lay flat on his back so I lay on top of him, enjoying our chests pressed together. His hand slips up to my hair, tangling his fingers through it as a comforting gesture while his other hand rubs my back soothingly.
"Thank you..." I whisper, my eyes drooping shut from the mixture of his warmth and his touch. I heard him mumble a vague 'I love you' but I couldn't respond before I drifted off to sleep.
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