Cherry Bomb [H.S.]

CHAPTER TEN

I'm standing in the center of my room - staring at the record player that I haven't touched in the last five years. To be honest, I'm not even sure why I still had it. I should've thrown it out a long time ago, but maybe it was the fact that Marlowe had gifted it to me for my birthday one year that made it hard just to let go. The more I've been around her, the more I've come to realize the little things I did to keep some part of her around without even realizing it. Although I had convinced myself that I was doing everything possible to forget about her, I also wasn't letting myself do it completely at the same time.

I lift my hands and press the heels of my palms against my eyes as I suck in a deep breath. My head feels so heavy with all these thoughts and emotions that have started to return. I hadn't felt the urge to listen to music like I have today in so long, but ever since hearing "Fade Into You" in Marlowe's car the other night, I haven't been able to get that song out of my head.

Marlowe has tried texting me a few times since then, but I've been ignoring her. Not only was I embarrassed because of the fact she saw me in such a moment of weakness, but I also haven't forgotten that I spilled my guts to her after her gig. I still can't come to understand why I confessed all of that to her. It just happened, and I knew that if I didn't do it then, then I never would.

Why that mattered...I still don't know.

Rolling my shoulders back, I grab the Fleetwood Mac Rumors album, and I place it on the turntable. I turn on the player which causes the bar to lift up, and the needle hovers over the vinyl before dropping down.

I move to where I was standing in the middle of my room before I sit back down. It's where I had been sitting as I finally worked up the courage to put something on for myself. My hand wraps around the bottle of whiskey I had been sipping from, and I take another large gulp before snatching my pack of cigarettes. I place one of the sticks between my lips and bring my lighter up, but I soon get distracted at the thought of Marlowe once again.

Another reason I had been trying to avoid her was because of the way I had almost kissed her in the bathroom at Rylan's party. The fact that seeing her with Lane caused me to get so angry still eats away at me, but I just couldn't stand it. I know I have Rylan, and I had never been on the verge of cheating on her before like that night. Once I got Marlowe into that bathroom, it really dawned on me how close we were because of the confined space. I just remember the scent of her perfume, and the way it started to consume me.

I haven't forgotten how her hips felt in my hands through the material of her dress. She was so warm to the touch, and so soft. I wasn't going to do anything, not unless she had given me the okay to do so. When she told me that we couldn't, I pulled away immediately, even though I could see by the look in her eyes that she was also curious as to what it would've felt like if we just crossed over that line - just the slightest bit.

Hissing, I realize that I've been sitting here with the flame of my lighter going, having gotten too lost in my thoughts while trying to light my cigarette, and I can feel that I've burned the tip of my fucking finger. I seal my lips around the pad of it after removing the stick from my mouth before I'm right back where I was. I actually light the cigarette this time, and I lay back on my floor.