In His Custody ✎ (MaNan)

✰ 46 - learning limits

5200 words. I am so scared about the response on this one. 

Inline comments and votes are so so appreciated :")

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Nandini

The cartoon pajama set I picked out was a comforting weight in my lap, as I arched my neck at Mukti's standing form. Forcing an upbeat smile, I said the words as I had rehearsed them. "I actually spoke to your brother today."

"You did what? Are you –?"

Like a blade perfectly crafted to slice through my front, her concern wafted in the air. If she asked if I was okay, I would have broken down, no doubt about it.

And that would ruin everything I was trying to achieve. Quick to justify my actions and put an end to any questions that would raise suspicions on my current state, I confessed, "I had to. Honestly, I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. There was so much I needed to say to him... that I had bottled up for seven long years."

Mukti crouched beside me, her eyes searching mine with an intensity that made my heart race. She knew me way too well, which had me second-guessing my plan. What if...

"Nandini," she uttered lowly, "Are you really okay?"

I took a deep breath while keeping my features intact, the curves along my lips only widening. "You don't believe me?"

"It's not that," she clarified, clearing her throat to better phrase what she wanted to say, "I just don't understand how... Wait, is this about you and Dhruv?"

Jolted by the seemingly irrelevant connection, I forced out a laugh that felt hollow and strained, "No, no, of course not. There neither is nor was anything between me and Dhruv. Where's this coming from?"

"Because... Manik upset you deeply. How can you be okay with all this, unless you have someone else in mind?" Her eyes narrowed.

"I mean... he did hurt me. For years, I couldn't come to terms with him leaving me after everything we shared."

Mukti's gaze grew more troubled, as if affirming her curiosity and the beliefs she had held about me. "So what changed?"

Ignoring my pounding heart, I looked down at the nightsuit in my lap, and my fingers nervously criss-crossed underneath the folded garment. "Talking to him today made me realize that the boy I was holding onto is not this Manik. That boy is long gone, and will only exist in a figment of my memories. I received the answers I sought for years... and that chapter naturally received closure today. With this new Manik, there's no baggage."

It seemed insufficient for two crossed fingers to shield me from the white-faced lie, so I criss-crossed them in both hands while maintaining cover. "I can... I can see us actually being friends."

Even saying it out loud set off tremors in my heart. Images of him clutching me, bumping me into him and his gaze smouldering into mine a few hours ago had me in a near chokehold. It reminded me exactly of how vulnerable I still was, how much control he had over me and how... how he didn't even think twice about his own relationship status when exercising his charm on me. How could I face him on the regular while shelving my stupid emotions, that brewed and blazed with the same intensity as they did seven years ago?

Why had I brought this terrible torture upon myself, to be acquaintances with him?

Mukti shook her head, muttering 'unbelievable' under her breath. "You're lying. I know you saw me with him before his performance. That's why you're saying all this. Show me your fingers."