THE WICKED SORCERER | LORENZO BERKSHIRE X Y/N MALVADA

Tears

I lay in my bed, wrapping my arms around myself and keeping my knees close to my chest. I look around at the unfamiliar atmosphere, and even though I unpacked everything and decorated it like I did in my old dorm room, it still feels...empty.

I don't know how I'm going to do this. How am I suppose to do anything now? The Gang was my whole happiness. Lorenzo was my whole happiness. Now he doesn't seem to trust nor like me. I don't even feel the tears rolling down my cheeks for the past hour. I hate every minute of this. I used to like being in my own space, by myself where no one can reach me, but now, it's a strange feeling.

I wrap myself in my duvet covers and go to bed. But I try and try and I won't fall asleep. The memories won't leave me. Every single little memory that comes to mind, I shed a tear.

I start to drift off in what feels like hours, and I start to dream, and it's every memory I had with then.

I'm at my house, training with my family, the letter for Hogwarts arrives, my Grandparents gifting me Isadora, meeting the everyone on the train with a strong first impression, getting sorted into Slytherin, everyone fearing me, the little physical fight I had with the boys, Isadora getting lost and Lorenzo giving her back to me, my Quidditch tryouts and getting seeker, finding out about Lorenzo's...secret, actually becoming friends with everyone, falling off of my broom but winning my first match of Quidditch, the idiotic plan I gave for Astoria to hurt Cormac McLaggen, the veritaserum the boys took and almost revealing a secret, going to Pansy's house for Christmas, goofing off with the shopping trolly, going to the playground for the first time in my life with them and building my first snowman and calling it 'Theodore', spending Christmas Eve with them and going Christmas shopping with Pansy and having that fun drinks based off exes sort of shit, that massive New Year's party, having a fight with my family and defending my friends, Lorenzo and the others comforting me when I was overwhelmed, that crazy movie night we had that ended up with Lorenzo and I cuddling together and everyone freaking out and teasing us, going to Hogsmeade after curfew, setting off fireworks with the Weasley twins, my fourth great Grandmother showing me my future if I spent more time being kinder, that beautiful picnic that Daphne laid out in the Forbidden Forest, the dance Lorenzo and I shared when we were at the fountain...And then today...when he found out I was sent here to obliterate the school...

Why did Lorenzo teach me how to care? How to love? Just why? Because now I have to deal with this fucking emotion.

I'm now in an unfamiliar surrounding. It's all dark and gleamy, I see my Grandmother Elvira, walking right towards me.

"I thought I told you too-!" She started, but I'm so tired of everything that I just break down and collapse to the ground. Elvira sees that I didn't want to do this shit anymore. She bent down towards me and hugged me and rubbing my back in circles to calm me down. I feel everything around me fall apart.

Before anything else could happen, I awoke from my alarm.

I sit up sniffling and my head pounding hard. I shut off the alarm and got up to get ready. I take a shower, do my skincare, brush my teeth, put on my uniform and pack my bag for school. Great. Yippe...

I look into the mirror and my eyes are bloodshot, like extremely bloodshot. I rub my eyes and clean my cheeks as tears travel down a bit more. Did I cry myself to sleep?

I tried to turn the doorknob my hands got sweaty, and my legs started to shake, and my breathing started to get heavy. I leaned against the door and slowly fell towards the floor.

"Breath...Just b-breath." I muttered to myself.

"I-It's ok...it'll a-all be o-ok." I let all the tears out and it's like a waterfall. My vision becomes blurry and my breathing is hard to catch. I spend about an hour or so trying to calm down, and once I did I walked towards the mirror and wiped off the remaining tears with my sleeve.

I missed breakfast. It's fine, really. I didn't feel hungry at all this morning. I head straight to my locker to get my books when someone nudged me hard on my shoulder. It was Mattheo walking with Theodore and Lorenzo and Lorenzo was in the middle and Theodore and Mattheo were helping to lead him. I know that Mattheo forcefully bumped into me on purpose, and I get why. I deserve it.

I check my first class...Potions...fuck. I sit next to Lorenzo in Potions. Merlin's beard, I fucking hate being a Malvada. You know it means evil in Spanish?

I hear the bell ring and I'm hesitant on entering the classroom, but I grab the courage and go in. But before I did I put my hood up and looked down so nobody could see my eyes. Lorenzo is already in his seat and I see his eyes are also as red as mine. My heart breaks into billions of pieces. I sit down and take out my book and pencil case.

During Potions, I've never felt more sad in my entire life. My heart is beating so loud and fast that probably everybody can hear it, I'm bouncing my leg up and down in anxiousness, my eyes keep darting to the clock, and under the table I keep on pulling on my hair band and that's on my wrist and when I let go, it leaves a sharp pain on my wrist, I squeeze my fingers so tight I feel them going numb, I scratch the back of my neck so hard that I'm sure it created a bit of blood, I picked and bit my nails, I kept on spinning my pen in between my fingers and I kept on pinching the tip of my nose.

As the bell finally rings, I pack my stuff away and my book barely has any notes in them. I rush out of the classroom and I see Pansy, Blaise, Astoria and Daphne waiting for the others and they pretend they don't see me. I can see that their eyes are also a bit red but not as worse than Enzo's.

Before I could even turn around to walk off, I hear Draco's voice say,

"Bitch. I hope she burns in hell." And I can tell that he said that through gritted teeth. I feel a single tear leave my eye and slowly fall down. I don't think I can handle this anymore. When I arrive at an abandoned corridor, I sprint to my dorm room and as soon as I arrive I lock the door and sink into my bed and curl up in a little ball. I start crying into my sheets and I squeeze the living shit out of my pillow. I scream into it to muffle it and I do it until I get it all out. Which takes the whole day.

Once I finish, I squeeze my pillow even more and close my eyes.

I don't want to face them again if I caused that much pain and tears towards them. I hate myself for doing so. I hate following my Families instructions. I hate how I want to make my Family proud. I hate how much I've hurt the only people who ever cared for me.

I especially hate myself for causing all of these pain and tears.